Operation Pink Herring

What I've been up to

(Format liberally borrowed from Janet, who borrowed it from Not Martha)

Reading

The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan.  Although it took me a good month (or three) to get past the first fifty pages about corncorncorn, I am now simultaneously enthralled and horrified.  Did you know cows aren't naturally adapted to eat corn?  Did you know that many organic free-range chickens only have access to a tiny yard outside their shed during the last two weeks of their lives, and by that time they're so used to being indoors that they're too scared to venture out of their shed?  DID YOU?   DID YOU KNOW THAT?  Because I sure didn't.  But if you've been anywhere near me during the past couple of days, I probably told you all about it.  And yes, I do realize I am about two years late on the bandwagon here, what's your point?

Eating

I need to bring three side dishes to a fancy bridal shower in June, and RA helpfully shared two of her tried-and-true recipes for me to practice with.  I had a moment of panic when I realized I wasn't sure exactly what a clove of garlic was (Hey Joel?  How much is a clove of garlic?  Is it the whole thing?  I think it's the whole thing because the directions said to peel it, but that sure seems like a lot of garlic.  But I already put it all in, so I hope that a clove means the whole thing.), and Rachel Ray is smoking some serious crack if she really thinks this recipe can be done from start to finish in 15 minutes (it took me 15 minutes just to peel the clove of garlic), but the salad was delicious.  Bonus points: I made it with spinach I picked up at the local farmer's market!

Watching

The first two installments of the Indiana Jones Trilogy.   Can you believe I've never seen them?   Neither can I.   We're working hard to rectify that before the new one comes out in theaters. 

Oh, and I am also still watching Moonlight, and I'd like you all to know that I actually think that this show is getting better.  Seriously!  It's not like it could have gotten any worse, but hey: progress is progress.

Meeting

Laurel, from Sass Attack!  I had to attend a meeting in NYC for work, and I asked Laurel if she'd like to meet up for drinks before my meeting on Thursday night.  And she said yes!  And I actually found the bar she suggested!  That deserves many, many exclamation points!!!  We had a fabulous time, if I do say so myself.  Can we do it again soon?  Like, tomorrow?  Or how about right now? 

Shopping

With my momma.  After my meeting in NYC, I spent the rest of the weekend in NJ.  Since it was pouring rain on Friday, we went shopping.  I'm proud to report that we came away with an outfit for my mom to wear to an upcoming party AND two pairs of great, non-low rise, jeans.  I also introduced my mom both Ann Taylor franchises, and while she didn't buy anything there, I ended up taking home more than enough for both of us.   Hello, new shoes!

Listening

To that Jordin Sparks "No Air" song.  I have never watched American Idol, but I do love me some Jordin Sparks.  Almost as much as Kelly Clarkson.   

Loving

How much my kitties missed us while we were away for the weekend.  Having a snuggly cat nestled uncomfortably in your armpit all night is almost as nice as sleeping in blissful silence for two nights in a row at your mom's house.  Almost.  Apparently the key to raising loving and obedient pets is to abandon them for the weekend on a regular basis.

Wondering

If I should make plans for the upcoming Memorial Day weekend, or if it would be more fun to hole up at home for the entire three-day break.  Thoughts?

The secret to living a happy and productive life, let me tell you it.

My normal weekend routine includes sleeping until at 10 or 11am, putzing around the house, watching some TV, eating breakfast, eating lunch, organizing, cleaning, possibly changing out of my pajamas to go to yoga, maybe taking a shower, maybe doing some laundry, and eating some more.   

Now, I love this routine.  I get all antsy whenever we have actual plans that keep me from getting in my cleaning/organizing/sleeping/watching TV in pajamas time.  I need my time at home to keep me sane.    But all too often, I find myself feeling depressed on Saturday nights because the weekend is suddenly half over and I've accomplished nothing.  In theory, I strongly believe that rest and relaxation are noble and valid activities for a Saturday.  In practice, OMG NOTHING GOT CROSSED OFF MY TO-DO LISTWAAAAAAAAH I SUCK.

Well, friends: after twenty-seven years on this planet, I have solved my perpetual conundrum.  I have discovered how someone who is NOT A MORNING PERSON can still get the most out of a weekend day, without sacrificing sleep! 

The secret is... go to sleep at 9:30pm on Saturday night.  That's right, you heard me!  Just go to bed at 9:30pm, and you'll be able to wake up feeling refreshed from a hefty eleven hour rest, make yourself a nice breakfast of waffles and Morningstar Farms Sausage Patties (I am convinced that these patties are not at all vegetarian.  They are way too delicious to be made out of soybeans and vegetables), and freshly brewed coffee -- which you made yourself -- and still leave the house by 9am!   I even managed to put in a load of laundry before I headed out to the Farmer's Market!  And it was still before 9am!  I think this deserves at least seven more exclamation points!!!!!!! (!!!)

PS: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After hitting up the Farmer's Market to support my local agronomists (The Omnivore's Dilemma is guilting me into becoming a better person), I also

• Went to Target
• Stopped by Ann Taylor Loft
• Went to Safeway
• Cleaned up the entire back patio, including sweeping, planting flowers, and dragging the hose out of the basement to water the new flowers
• Took down the Christmas lights from the front windowbox, watered the plants, weeded our sidewalk planter box
• Vacuumed the entire house

That, right there, is about two month's worth of stuff.  And I got it all done before Joel came home from his race at 7pm.  Seriously, if I had known this was all it takes to feel so productive, I would have adopted a six-year-old's bedtime ages ago! 

(OK, not really.  I am still a night owl at heart, and I really didn't intend to fall asleep at 9:30.  It just kind of happened.)

In other news: This weekend Joel was informed that he won a Bigtime Coaching Award That I Probably Shouldn't Name On My Personal Internet Site, Now That I Think About It.   So, howza bout a round  of applause for mah man?

In other news (part two): I am absolutely loving everyone's submissions and comments on Mission: Put Together.  Keep em' coming!  You guys are almost making Business Casual fun.  Almost.   

Casual Day, my one true love (sorry, Joel!)

From time to time, my office has Casual Day.  Casual Day used to be every Friday between Memorial Day and Labor Day.  Then it changed to being on random Fridays throughout the year.  Now it's no longer on Fridays exclusively.  Any day of the week can be Casual Day.  Today is Casual Day, for instance.  Last Monday was Casual Day.  Some months, there is a Casual Day every week.  Some months, there are no Casual Days.  If there is a method behind the Casual Day schedule, I have yet to discover it.  And trust me, I've spent a lot of time analyzing this. 

I LOVE Casual Day.  In fact, I don't think that ALL CAPS LOVE is a strong enough term.  I live for Casual Day?  Casual Day is the center of my life?  I want to marry Casual Day and have lots of Casual Babies with it?  Yes, I think that adequately sums up my feelings about Casual Day.  I just feel more comfortable in jeans than I do in biznass pants.  I honestly feel like I do my job better when it's Casual Day.  I am a better, happier person on Casual Day.

RA and I have had many a GChat discussion about my love for Casual Day, and our sadness that jeans are so discriminated against in the workplace.  We both think that a nice pair of jeans paired with a cute top and decent shoes looks better than the polyester jogging suits that half of my office wears on a daily basis.  But polyester jogging suits fit within our dress code, just because they're not jeans.   And so, most days, I must suffer through the working hours in pants I bought at Target while my Seven for All Mankind Jeans sit at home in the drawer, wondering why I don't love them.  It's a cruel, cruel world.

But, such is life.  And refusing to brush my hair or wear matching clothes in protest on non-Casual Days really isn't hurting anyone but me.  I want to look like a responsible, attractive adult.  But I don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes that I'm only going to wear 9-5, Monday-Friday.  What to do?

Well, RA and I got to talking (cue Sex and the City theme song).  I always take note of people whose style I admire.  We've determined that it's not necessarily expensive or designer clothes that make a look work, but how all the pieces form a polished, cohesive unit.  The people I admire in the grocery store or in the elevator don't look like they rolled out of bed four minutes before they need to leave the house, threw on a shirt from the clean laundry basket their ferret-cat had been using as a bed, paired it with a pair of wrinkled khakis from the floor, and rushed out of the house.  Ahem.  They look like they spent a few minutes picking out a basic outfit, and then adding accessories and shoes that really pulled it all together.

I want to be more like these people.  I want to look half-decent, at least most of the time.  I'm not looking for a complete wardrobe overhaul or a visit from the What Not To Wear crew.  I just want to put a little bit more effort into my appearance.  And I want someone to give me credit for trying, damnit.

And that's where the Mission: Put Together photo pool that RA and I have created comes in(translation: RA did all the work, I provided encouragement via GChat).  For the month of May, we will be posting our efforts at creating put-together, cohesive looks for the world to see.

I know what you're thinking!  But what about me?  Can I play too?

Yes!  Please join our group and post your own photos! (Translation: DON'T LEAVE US HANGIN', INTERWEB FRIENDS)! 

But how do I know if my outfit is good enough to post?   

Mission: Put Together is for any outfit you are proud of.  It doesn't have to be a new outfit, an expensive outfit, or an outfit you've never worn before.  You just have to think you rocked it.

But what if I look put-together and fabulous every day?

Then I hate you.  That's great!  Post a picture every day and teach us all your secrets!

What if I can hardly muster the energy to change out of my pajamas most days?

Post a picture whenever you feel inspired.  I am going to aim for two post-worthy outfits a week during May. 

What if I wear the same three pairs of pants every week?  Are you all going to laugh at me?

Welcome to my world, my friend.   I will DEFINITELY  be repeating items.  I often wear the same pants two days in a row.  Or three days in a row.  I tell myself no notices.

But I work from home/my office has a casual dress code!  I wear jeans and flip flops every day!

Mission: Put Together is an equal opportunity Flickr Group.  We do not practice jeans discrimination.  In fact, we love jeans.  And also, I want your job.  Please send me an application.

What if I have a crappy camera?  Or I have a nice camera that I don't know how to operate?  WHAT THEN, I ASK?

Dude, we don't care.  I plan on taking pictures with my cell phone half the time.  And it's not even a fancy iPhone.

What if I don't have a Flickr account? 

Just email your picture to me or RA and we will post it for you.

But what if I don't even have my own blog?

That's fine!  Just email one of us your pictures and we'll post them in the group for you.

OK, I'll send that over as soon as I clean up the laundry piles in the background.  And paint the walls.  And buy new furniture.  And lose 10 pounds.

Don't stress about any of that stuff.  This is just for fun.  And I can promise you that my laundry pile is bigger than yours.

Oh, no!  I couldn't possibly let anyone see this horrific laundry pile.

OK, then I suggest that you just stand squarely in front of your giant laundry pile when you take the picture, thereby blocking it from the interwebs view. Like this, for example:

Um, why are you holding your shoes up like that?

Because I don't have a full-length, mirror.  I KNOW!  The horror!

OK.  This sounds like fun!  I can't wait to pick out my outfit for tomorrow and wow the whole office with my great look!

See, now that's the idea!

Can we stop pretending that this is an actual conversation between two people and just end this entry now?

Oh, fine.  Party pooper.

Or! It could be nothing.

Reason #7893 your fluffy ferret-cat might be wasting away (OR, Things Dr. Google, DVM won't tell you):

Hey, idiot.  Your cat might just be really, really stubborn.  Toss the fancy organic*, not-tested-on-animals, all-natural kibble in the closet next to the organic*, environmentally friendly, all-natural cat litter and buy some goddamn Fancy Feast already.

Madison: 53,897

Me: -6

*Neither the food or litter are actually organic.  Which is a real shame. 

I can has medicare?

Hey, guess what I bought this week?   PET INSURANCE.   Crazy Cat Lady bridge, officially crossed! 

Between Max, The Cat With A Thousand And One Problems (Food allergies?  Check!  Obesity?  Check! Sensitive stomach?  Check!  Crippling anxiety?  check!  Cancer?  DOUBLE CHECK!) and Henry, The Cat Who Ran Away And Then Came Back With Three Parasites And A Mangled Paw, I've wondered from time to time if I should have considered pet insurance.   But in general, I dislike insurance - surely a mindset I inherited from my mother, who describes insurance as "betting against yourself".   I've had terrible experiences with my own bastardly insurance company, and I just don't trust that paying for insurance will actually guarantee that I won't be slammed with bills because of some loophole or fine print. 

Plus, PET INSURANCE?  Do you want to know how much fun I made of my former coworker for having health insurance for her Teacup Yorkie?  A LOT.  But she also considered her dog "an investment", so she totally deserved it.  Also, her dog was seriously annoying. 

BUT.  Lately, Madison has been looking a bit thin.  We had sort of noticed it, but weren't at all concerned until the fourth or fifth person to visit our house in the past few weeks remarked on how gaunt he looked.  It's not like I hold him up in front of visitors and ask HEY TAKE A LOOK AT THIS CAT,   WHAT DO YOU THINK, TOO SKINNY?  It's more like our guests are a tad surprised that when they go to pet him and get stabbed by his protruding hip bones.  His fluffy fur hides his weight very well, but now that I've started paying attention... he's way too thin.  Our questionable bathroom scale says he's lost twenty percent of his body weight since he got weighed at the vet's office in January.   My bank account started to panic when Dr. Google, DVM considered this symptom and returned diagnoses like "object lodged in stomach: surgery required" and "hyperthyroidism: say hello to expensive bloodwork and lifetime medication". 

My first instinct is to ignore, ignore, ignore.  So he's lost a pound or four?   Whatever, he's getting older.   He seems fine.  He's still capable of pushing me off my pillow at night and chasing Henry around the house. 

My second instinct, which is growing stronger by the minute, is that something is really wrong.  Worry has been building up all week, until on Wednesday night I found myself on the computer at 1am signing him up for pet insurance.   The next morning, I decided I was crazy and called to cancel the policy.  By the time I hung up with the friendly customer service guy half an hour later, I'd bought a policy for Henry as well.   

I cringe at the thought of telling people that my freaking cats have health insurance, but I honestly feel SO MUCH BETTER now that I'm paying $13 per month for accident and illness coverage.  I do realize that whatever is wrong with Madison technically pre-dates his policy and is therefore not covered, but I'm hoping that I can find some sneaky way around that by holding off a few more weeks before taking him to the vet and pretending like whatever's going on is a brand new problem.  (Dear insurance company:  Just kidding!  This is all lies!  I would never commit insurance fraud!)  And hey, if it turns out that nothing is wrong with him and I really am just a crazy, over-protective worrywart, well... I'd be very happy with that.   

I haven't bought any insurance for Max because I sort of feel like that ship has sailed.   Really, who is going to insure his chronically allergic, neurotic, obese, cancer-filled ass?   He's a seinor citizen (66 and a half, if one human year = seven cat years), so shouldn't there at least be some crappy government-sponsored insurance to get him his kitty viagra?   Do I sense a future Michael Moore film?

Do any of you have pet insurance?  Have you used it?  Is it a total scam?   I would love to hear about any experiences or recommendations you have.  Except for advice to chill the fuck out.  Trust me, I've spend 27 years trying to do that.  No dice.

I'll keep you posted, don't you worry.  Keeping the interweb updated on my cat's health issues is priority numero uno here at OPH Headquarters.   Whether you like it or not.