Or, the entry my brother might want to skip.
Let's talk about periods. And not the kind at the end of a sentence.
I've been on "The Pill" since I was a sophomore in college. This was the time that I was doing my very best to recover from anorexia. My period had never been very regular to begin with, and one of the signs that my body was getting better was supposed to be the return of my period. I wasn't allowed to go back to any of my normal activities until it came back, and I don't like waiting, so I said "Screw this! Put me on the pill!", and the Student Health Center being contraceptive-happy, obliged.
(Seriously, we used to joke about how the Health Center's answer for everything was a condom. Do you have a cold? Take some condoms. Fever? Have some condoms. Mono? Better take a whole bag full! One time, freshman year, I had a cough that just would not go away, and after three months of coughing up a lung every day after Track practice, my coach made me go to the Health Center. It was the first I'd ever been in there, and I walked in and looked around for a minute. Finally a receptionist asked if she could help me, and I said, "Um, my coach told me I need to see a doctor." Her reply was -- verbatim -- "Oh, do you need the morning after pill?" WHA?? I HAD A COUGH, LADY!)
As shoddy as their services might have been, I wish I could still get the pill from the Health Center. They would give you a year's supply at a time if you asked, and all a measly $10 a pack. Hard to complain about that.
But you knew I was going to complain, right?
Dude, I know some people hate the pill, but I thought it was the greatest thing ever. I mean, you know EXACTLY when you're going to get your period! Right down to the day! That's a whole lot better than being unpleasantly surprised every couple of months, thinking so that's why I've had a stomach ache for the past three days, DAMNIT! We won't talk about any of the other, more, ahem, well-known benefits of The Pill, because I'm a nice, wholesome girl and I wouldn't know anything about that. Also, my family reads this site. Hi, Daddy!
But then the day came when I graduated from college, and a few months later, my stash ran out and I found myself needing to get a regular doctor and use my regular insurance to get my medical supplies. No more getting an appointment the next day. And worse, no more $10 a month prescriptions, with a few generic condoms thrown in as a bonus. ("Just in case you need them! Pass them out to your friends!")
And then I found out that in the real world, things cost more money. $30 a month, to be exact. And at that time, I really just couldn't afford it. So I told my doctor I needed something cheaper. Being the smart woman that she is, she suggested I try Seasonale, because I could get a three-month supply at once, all for one copay. I told her to sign me up. And I guess I should thank my insurance company for sucking (NOTE TO INSURANCE COMPANIES -- BIRTH CONTROL COSTS LESS THAN BABIES, STOP BEING SO STINGY YOU GREEDY JERKS!), because now not only do I pay $30 for a three month supply -- putting me back to $10 a month -- but I also only get my period four times a year.
I honestly don't know why every woman in the world is not on this stuff. Four periods a year! That's one every three months! That's freaking fantastic, in my book.
A friend of mine (who will remain nameless) said she wouldn't like that, because she likes the reassurance that she's not knocked up every month. Now, I certainly understand needless and compulsive worrying (although I wouldn't know anything about this particular worry, of course), but I think that, personally, I'd rather pee on a stick every month than deal with the agony of a period.
Have you figured out yet that I have my period?
Just thought you all should know. And I feel like crap. Happy freaking Wednesday. I have to go die now.
(Not really, I am just a big wuss)
(And I'm sure I'll be embarrassed that I wrote this tomorrow)