I promise, this isn't going to turn into a wedding blog!

I am terrified of inadvertently turning into a bridezilla.   I thought I was pretty safe in this category, as I'm not the type of girl who's been secretly cutting out pages from Modern Bride magazine and furtively pasting them into a Top Secret Dream Wedding Scrapbook so that all I'm missing for My Dream Wedding is that pesky groom.   I've thought about weddings, sure.  Who hasn't?  But I don't have a detailed plan about what I want, what I don't want.  I honestly thought I didn't care that much.  It's just a party.  What really matters comes afterwards, right?

But all of a sudden I find my mind occupied by wedding-related thoughts far too often.  It doesn't help that I've been getting emails about the three weddings I have coming up this year (I'll be a bridesmaid in two), but honestly... looking at wedding dresses online for two hours this morning is probably too much, don't you think?  Especially since we're not even at the Setting the Date Stage yet?

I had a Bridezilla Panic moment this morning when I decided to join TheKnot.com, having heard that they have excellent checklists for brides-to-be.  I love a good checklist, and I thought it would be a good place to begin quelling some of the anxieties that are already keeping me up at night.  Feeling prepared always makes me feel better, and I think that the only reason I'm stressing out about anything right now is because I have this overwhelming feeling that there is stuff I'm supposed to be doing, stuff that I'm NOT doing because I don't even know I'm supposed to be doing said stuff.   Theknot.com wanted me to enter all sorts of information like "wedding date" and "wedding location", and it wouldn't let me continue with the required without filling in something for every field.  Don't worry, it said.  You can change this information at any time.  Just estimate if you don't know for sure.   It's sort of against my religion to knowingly enter information that is not 100% correct, but I did it anyway.   And the next thing I know, a pop-up window appears telling me CONGRATULATIONS! Your wedding webpage has been added to your profile on facebook.com! 

Commence the panic, since I had entered a fake date, fake bridal party, fake location, and fake, um, EVERYTHING.  How it knew I had a facebook profile is a mystery to me (I guess they just assume everyone does nowadays? AND THEN TAKE THE LIBERTY OF POSTING STUFF ON YOUR PAGE THAT IS INCORRECT?), but please ignore any announcements that Joel and I will be tying the knot on September 1st, 2009.   And that you are all my maids of honor.  Please.  Just pretend I didn't do that.

Also, while browsing the Nordstrom site for bridesmaid dress ideas (FOR MY FRIEND.  NOT FOR ME.  I SWEAR) I stumbled upon this dress, and friends... I think I may have found my wedding dress.

Of course, there's the problem that I might very possible look pregnant when I try it on because baby-doll cuts and my body type... they do not agree.  But maybe my body will change!  And maybe my skin tone will become a lovely shade of gorgeous, just like the model's!  And I'll grow five inches!  Hey.  You never know.  I really do love that dress, and for that $158 pricetag, I can certainly afford to have enough plastic surgery to make it look good on me.   A certain fiance of mine thinks it "doesn't really look like a wedding dress", but what does he know, anyway?

(Random aside:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA my real-life friend Lizzy just sent me this picture and OMG!  It's so perfect!  OCD cat is making lists!  Get it?  Because I'm a crazy cat lady and I am going nuts over lists?  Get it? Get it?)

So, you see why I am becoming a wee bit concerned for my sanity and that of everyone around me?  And I haven't even told you about the story of the Fake Engagement Party that I an NOT having, but don't tell that the jeweler who is re-sizing my ring because I may have told them a teensy white lie in hopes of getting my ring back in less than the FOUR WEEKS they estimated.   I swear to Jeebus, that whole scam was Joel's idea in the first place, I just took it and ran with it and placed the actual phone call and said the actual words "we're having an engagement party on February 16th AND I NEED MAH RING BY THEN OR ELSE."  Haha.  Just kidding.

But our fake engagement party is on February 16th, who wants to come?  Do you think I should have invitations printed up?  Would that make the story more plausible and thereby help the chances of me getting the ring back in less than FOUR WEEKS? 

Speaking of invitations, I like these.  (I do not like the prices, however.  WTF, $400 for INVITATIONS?  Are they kidding?) 

OH MY GOD.  I am obviously going to have to create and entire blog devoted to blathering about all things wedding-related before I have to change the title of this one to OPERATION CRAZY BRIDE-LADY.

But I know that I still have a shred of sanity left.  Do you want to know how I know this?  I know because when I saw these gems on the Michael's website while browsing for a suitable Engagement Scrapbook, if such a thing exists (I think it should exist, and that it probably does exist, but I fear that anything I find won't exactly be... my style, if you know what I mean) I snorted out loud.  Behold:

This page is for Skill Level 2 crafters and above, according to the Michael's website.   LEVEL 1 CRAFTERS, ATTEMPT AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This one is for Skill Level 3 Crafters.  It takes extra skillz to be able to spell UR and use brackets all artistic-like.

Sometimes when I am concentrating real hard I'll forget a word.  This apparently makes me a Skill Level 3 crafter, because I always try to make it look like I totally meant to do that, too!  It makes the page more interesting.  And builds character.  And stuff.

When I progress to buying things like this, I'll officially know that I've gone over the edge.  Until then, I'll just be here laughing my ass off at things like this, instead:

moar funny pictures

(HAHAHAHA, IT'S A PROPOSAL LOLCAT!  GET IT?)

Comments

[Stephanie]

I went to the knot right when we got engaged, added all my shit, sent links, looked at checklists, etc, etc. Then I never looked at it again unless I was trying to stalk a former friend.

I also bought one of those giganto binder your wedding will be the best of the best binders and wrote in it like twice. I ended up giving the 30 dollar bitch away.

Really excel spreadsheets became our best friends.

Well that and the Michael's scrapbooking.

I kid, I kid.

[Nic]

Ahh, I've already found a great dress option for myself and I don't even have a man http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod63050201

So no, you're not going to be a bridezilla.

[Audrey]

Don't worry, once you get an organizational system down, you will feel less bridezilla-y. I loved the knot checklist and the budget -- found them both really helpful when I really didn't know where to start.

Regarding Joel's comment about your dress not being "wedding-y"? Just assure him that when he sees you walking down the aisle in it, it'll SCREAM "wedding dress."

I got a really nice, simple photo album from Target that I used for my wedding pictures. It was very understated, brown and cream, with just a few simple details already on the pages. I can't find it on their website, but it looks like they have a lot of similar options.

[Isabel]

You have my permission to turn this blog into Operation Bridzilla if all posts are this awesome.

[nancypearlwannabe]

You are hilarious. Also, a great tip I learned from the many (so many!) weddings I have been in is not to inform places that you are getting married. For example, if you order a cake, tell them it is for a party and not a wedding, for some reason it is WAY cheaper. Of course, if you're planning on putting a little plastic bride and groom on top that might not work so well...

[Angela]

Okay, there are all these things I was going to say about how you shouldn't feel bad about briding out on us, and yay, wedding planning, but then I saw the scrapbook pages, and seriously? There are LEVELS for scrapbooking?? And here I thought I was okay just cutting my pictures into pretty shapes and putting stickers on pages. I feel so ill informed about my craft now!

But seriously, the Knot does have an awesome checklist, although some of the due dates are a bit premature in my opinion. But it does a good job of keeping you on track. Also, it's a great idea in theory to keep it a secret from the vendors that you're getting married, but I found it kind of impossible to pull off in practice. I mean, I think they'll notice when they're there delivering all of your items and there are men running around in tuxes and girls in matching dresses. Plus I'm a terrible liar and could never pull it off to begin with ;)

[Keri]

can i be invited to your fake engagement party - since you know, we live in the same city & all? I can totally attend!!!

[RA]

1) TheKnot breeds Bridezillas. Don't let them get to you. It's a fount of information, but seriously, weddings do not need to cost upwards of $50K.

2) Love the dress! It's not babydoll, it's empire waist, so don't worry. I highly recommend checking out J. Crew for their options, too. Nic, that was MY wedding dress! And, what the heck was Joel doing looking at the dress options?

3) How does a fake engagement party work?

[Katie]

Oh my gosh that cat photo at the bottom there is so funny I nearly passed out from laughing too hard. And now everyone on my msn list has the url copied/pasted to them, lol!

Don't apologise for talking about weddings - it's fun.

[Erika]

Not only are you posting these pictures and links but we are devouring them. Everyone loves a good event to plan. Those invites are gorgeous. I love that dress. My friend Seagrass Girl had one similar (I am sending you a picture right now) and she was the HOTTEST bride I have ever seen. Seriously. She looked awesome. Joel's opinion doesn't count, just use the excuse that the groom can't see the dress before. FOUR WEEKS for resizing? That is insane. I would be buying myself a fake one to wear in the meantime. I will totally host your FEP if it means you can get your ring back sooner. I have a girlfriend getting married in March and she is NOT on theknot.com. It drives me insane. I couldn't live without that site! We ALL love weddings, isn't it OBVIOUS?

[Laurel]

I, for one, love Bridezilla Jen! Weddings provide a lot of good material to snark on.

Also, I need you to be my Facebook friend so that I can get alerts like this about your fake wedding date.

[Melissa]

We got married in DC in 2005. We got our invitations from invitationoutlet.com and they looked fine. Not engraved, mind you, but fine.

I wore a bridesmaid dress from Nicole Miller. A red one. But she does make some lovely blush/ivory colored things that are much less expensive than wedding dresses.

We got cake from Cake Love (4 different flavored smaller ones) to save money since wedding cakes can be pricey.

For us, paying for everything ourselves was important because we come from different faith traditions and our respective sets of parents wanted X, Y, Z that we didn't -- by paying for everything ourselves, we were able to control much more.

Best of luck.

[heidikins]

Love the dress, love the cats (love the LOL Cats SOOOO much! Hi-larious!)

And once-upon-a-time I heard that ordering invitation from Kinko's is actually quite economical...I had this "friend" who did that and was really quite satisfied. Printed off a million engagement pics from Costco and had 650 invites for less than $150. Not too shabby!

xox

[-R-]

Engagement scrapbooks? Really? WTF?

[Erin]

That dress is gorgeous!!!

We made our own invitations. They were cheap, pretty, and no one knew that we made them ourselves. Spend money on the dress and photographer...not the invites. That's my only wedding planning advice!

[Laura]

The dress is beautiful. An empire waist definitely doesn't make one look preggers, it defines the smallest part of your body so it makes most women look like they have a fabulous figure.

[janet]

bring on the wedding talk! there is no shame. Some of us miss it! *ahem ahem

[Britni]

I love theknot.com. It definitely helped me to remember all of the little details when I was engaged. They also send you a monthly magazine full of great engaged and married tips. Not a bad place to start.

[alyndabear]

This post made me giggle out loud - because that last LOLCAT is precious. And lists! Lots of lists! Ha!

I don't think it's sad that you were looking at wedding dresses for two hours. I think it's sad that *I* have been guilty of doing that, and I'm not even ENGAGED.

(P.S. That dress? Is simple and elegant and beautiful!)

[Ruthie]

Gosh-- your entry today is EXACTLY me. I delayed even starting to look at place 2 months!! I decided to start a knot.com thing but i totally wrote a fake name and such bc i was afraid of it being linked to my anything, and especially random pple looking me up. BUt honestly, i think the check list from a MARTHAstewart Bridal magazine (at the end in an index) is JUST AS good. I'm trying to stay a little away from this "wedding business" paraphanalia, but its just so damn tempting. a year ago (pre-engagement) i rolled my eyes at all that blah, and now i can't get enough! (slight exaggeration... i swear..kind of).

[Lindsey]

Those cat things crack me up!

Also, I promised I wouldn't talk much about my wedding, but then I realized that people like hearing about that crap. I was good for a while, but now it's all wedding, all the time.

I LOVE that dress!!!!! It is definitely a wedding dress...what does Joel know anyway?? ;-)

[Lindsey]

Those cat things crack me up!

Also, I promised I wouldn't talk much about my wedding, but then I realized that people like hearing about that crap. I was good for a while, but now it's all wedding, all the time.

I LOVE that dress!!!!! It is definitely a wedding dress...what does Joel know anyway?? ;-)

[Lindsey]

ooopsie...i accidentally posted twice.

Well, I will use this time to say the knot checklist is KEY!

[Janssen]

Maybe it makes me a crazy un-bride since I love reading about your wedding plans (And really anyone's - I don't discriminate).

[Jemima]

Don't worry. This happens to everyone...which can actually be a little annoying, because who wants to be a cliche, but it's true and can be comforting. ooh, have you checked out Priscilla's wedding dresses yet? They're soooo amazing, although ridiculously expensive. But just for fun...

By the way, don't read my blog post today, because it wasn't intended for you or about you, but it might unintentionally feel like it was and dampen your wedding enthusiasm which I do not want to do and was merely in a bitchy humor and wanting to stab Simons with flaming knitting needles of fury.

Anyway, I have a GILLION wedding websites, considering I've written a GILLION articles for weddings. And when I planned my own, I sneakily went to all my wedding coordinators and pretended like I was writing something just so I could ask them questions for free. Haha! Like how to pick flowers and do favors and choose color schemes (Blush and Bashful!). So let me know, and I will send you a bank of URLs for your obsessing pleasure.

[Marriage-101]

I loved TheKnot.com lists although they always made me feel like I was slacking. Timelines can be flexible, right?

Oh, and lay off the caffeine! Or don't. I find it rather entertaining. :)

[angela]

Congrats! And by the way, I always love hearing all about wedding plans. Only being able to have one wedding per lifetime and all, I didn't quite get my fill yet.

[Mactliftice]

We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.

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