The following is my completely unbiased, well-researched, fair and balanced reivew of the fall TV season thus far. And by "thus far," I mean "as far as I have gotten in my Tivo cache."
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: Best show on television. A plus.
Supernatural: I love Supernatural, and I love the direction they're taking in in this season. We all knew Dean was going to escape from hell somehow, I mean, it's not like they can really have this show without him (dear people who are in charge of TV: please don't try to have this show without Dean!)... and I think they did an excellent job of bringing him back within the first episode; far better a job than some shows I can think of, AHEM PRISON BREAK. Also, best soundtrack ever. A.
The Unit: Ah, the return of my beloved Bob Brown. LOVE. The premier was up to par, an A for my Delta Force hotties.
Ace of Cakes:Still loving Duff and the gang, still wishing we could afford to get our wedding cake from them, still want to marry Geoff. Did anyone else notice that Mary Alice was wearing this Threadless shirt in one of the last episodes? A.
One Tree Hill: This show is no longer even pretending to not be a soap, and I love the producers for it. Nanny Carrie has kidnapped Dan and is keeping him alive so that she can slowly torture him as he waits for a heart transplant. We are getting not-so-subtle hints that Nathan's big comeback to basketball will soon be derailed by a back problem, and who else is hoping that this provides us with a slide back into his totally fake depression and another riveting round of marriage counseling for Haylie and Nathan? Just me? OK THEN. Ridiculous as the plot line is, I have to admit that I cried -- actually tears, we're not just talking getting choked up -- at the end of the last episode, during Quentin's funeral. Here's to hoping they keep the plunge into soapdom going and bring him back from the dead. I'm thinking maybe he was moved to witness protection, or he faked his own death... I'm just throwing out ideas here! A, just because I like any show that isn't afraid to take things to the next level. I'll raise this to an A plus if they throw in a demonic possession or a return from the dead this season.
Heroes: I have finally caught up with the new episodes, and so far I am not disappointed. A little confused, sure, but not disappointed. I like any show with TWO
Jess MarianosPeter Petrellis. A minus.
NCIS:Cheap trick pretending like the team was going to be split up, as if anyone believed that. Oh, look, the whole gang's back together in less than one episode's time! Whatever, as long as they're back. The "new" team sucked bigtime. B plus.
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: When I was a kid, I saw some snippets of one of the Terminator movies on TV by accident and, dudes. I still have nightmares about it. So, I've never actually watched the original movies... but I'm still enjoying this show. I am enjoying it much more now that the hottified Brian Austin Green is a regular character. And it's possiblethat the first thing I said when I looked through the viewfinder in my new camera was "whoah! It's all Terminator-y!" (you know, because it has the flashy red centering brackets and all shutter speed and f-stop and all kinds of other numbers whose meanings I have not yet determined displayed when you look through the viewfinder. Not because it tells me to kill John Connor). I am not sure where they're going with this Terminator-Chick-Is-Possibly-Bad-No-Wait-She's-Good-Hey-Isn't-She-A-Freaking-MACHINE-I-CALL-BULLSHIT plotline, but so far the season looks promising. As long as they don't kill off Brian Austin Green. And we can add THAT statement to the list of "things that the 1990s version of myself cannot BELIEVE I just said." But seriously, who would have thought that geeky David Silver would grow up to be 100% do-able, while Dylan McKay is stuck doing Lifetime movies and strange cowboy mini-series things, with the occasional creepy-ass cameo on Law and Order: SVU? I guess it just goes to show... something. I'm not sure what, but it certainly shows SOMETHING. B plus.
Law and Order: SVU: Well, I guess Brilliant Editor Lindsey isn't coming back to One Tree Hill to break up Lucas and Peyton's happy marriage because SHE'S THE NEW ADA. I am displeased, but it appears she is here to stay since she's been built into the the opening shot. I still love the show, but it seems to me like they are going for too much drama, not enough old fashioned law and order in the recent seasons. B plus.
Project Runway: This is the first season that I've watched PR because I didn't think I'd like a show about fashion. You know, since I don't know anything about fashion. But low and behold, I LOVE ProRun. It's fabulous. I love seeing what the designers come up with for each challenge and I'm usually totally blown away by their skill in taking a heap of fabric and turning it into an outfit overnight. I want a sewing machine. And some talent, please. And speaking of fashion, don't forget that Mission: Put Together kicks off tomorrow! B plus, and that's only because Kenley is still on the damned show. Or maybe she isn't - I haven't seen last week's episode yet, DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING.
Smallville: I am so over this show. I have been over this show ever since Lana married Lex Luthor approximately sixteen seasons ago. But since Ms. Lang-Luthor and Lex are both off the show for the moment, this season has been tolerable so far. I still love Chloe best and I'm afraid they're going to kill her off soon since, you know, she's not actually in any of the Superman comics or movies. C plus.
Prison Break: Sooooo, Sarah's NOT dead. Well. I totally called that one (I knew they wouldn't kill her off), but I'm still not clear on how exactly Lincoln mistook the whole head-in-a-box thing... I mean, if someone left me a severed head in a box, I think I might notice if it was a stranger's head. But, whatever. I guess they found a Sarah look-alike and chopped off HER head. I am letting it go because the whole Michael/Sarah dynamic is the most believable part of the show. Example: anyone seen Lincoln's kid lately? C minus.
Man vs. Wild: We are currently about six episodes behind because 1) this is not a show you can watch while eating, 2) I eat a lot, 3) I still haven't forgiven Bear for breaking my heart. The new format, which is supposed to be less fraudulent (I think) is boring and I almost want to cancel our Season Pass. Almost. D plus.
Fringe: I was so excited for this show. I thought it was going to be like a cross between the X-files and Heroes! But, dudes. I hate it. I really, really hate it. I hate the main chick, I hate the super-genius, I'm-sort-of-crazy-OR-AM-I guy, and I hate the super-fake sciency stuff. The only thing I don't totally and completely hate is Pacey, and there we have another thing I never thought I'd hear myself say. This show blows and I hope it gets canceled immediately so that we can bring back Moonlight or Journeyman instead. F.
The Mentalist: Wow, this show managed to commit two mortal sins in a one-hour pilot. First, they totally ripped off the entire show's concept. Hmmm, let me see. A detective-type person who everyone thinks is psychic but really he just pays very careful attention to detail? I think that's pretty much the tagline of Psych on USA. Second, the protagonist is genuinely unlikeable. He's as annoying as Horatio Cane or Bobby Goren, and come to think of it - I think they ripped quite a bit of his character's background directly from Bobby Goren's CV. But both of these blatant rip-offs were terribly executed, because Psych is actually funny and Law and Order: CI.... well, it's Law and Order. It GETS to have an annoying character. F minus, Season Pass canceled.
Knight Rider:Again, wow. We only recorded this because Joel wanted to see it, but I kept an open mind. Sort of. Until they opened up the pilot with a scene that took place at "Foreign Consulate, USA".... um, WHICH ONE? Maybe you could make up a fictional country, at the very least? That kind of complete vaguery is only OK when it's being done sarcastically, like the Humanitarian Organization in Zoolander, for example. Oh, and then. Then KITT is on fire, but it's not just a normal fire. It's a super-chemical sort of fire that burns so hot that even driving at 300+ miles per hour can't put it out! Oh noes! What shall our protagonists do, while a whole secret lair full of scientists and geniuses tries a new set of calculations? They strip to their very sexy underwear, of course! And dude, they weren't even sweating. This would be OK in an Austin Powers movie. F minus, I will not be sitting through another hour of THAT, thankyouverymuch.
So much television, so little time. And far too much time when I'm supposed to be doing things like "being at work" and "doing my laundry" and "excercising" and "IT'S TIME FOR WORK AGAIN? ALREADY?" Priorities, people.