Film School

Joel's favorite part of this website is the sporadic, neglected movie review portion in the sidebar.  Assuming that 99.5% of you use a feed reader, I'm pretty sure he's the only person that knows it even exists.   Even though we nearly always watch movies sitting side by side in the theater, this is for you sweetie:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Rating: three out of four stars

Maybe I missed a lot since I haven't read the comics, but I have seen (and own) all three of the other X-men movies, and I love Wolverine.  Who doesn't love Wolverine?  But somehow, in this, the all-Wolverine-all-the-time installment, our favorite badass sort of came off as... well, as a pussy.   Come on guys, we have Clark Kent already filling the role of the reluctant hero.  Wolverine is supposed to kick ass, take names, and steal your motorcycle. I didn't dig the Ma and Pa Kent wannabes that took him in, and also the actual origins montage at the beginning was way rushed.  But Hugh Jackman spent a fair amount of time naked, so there's that.  And seeing the kid-version of Scott Summers (aka Cyclops) was cool.

Star Trek

Rating: 3.75 out of four stars

Now, that was the level of awesomeness I was expecting from Wolverine.  And dudes, I don't even like Star Trek, really.  So much awesome.  Live long, prosper, etc.  Also: nicely done, Sylar and kudos to Harold (you know, from Harold and Kumar go to White Castle).

Terminator: Salvation

Rating: 3.25 out of four stars.

Would have been four stars if the Christain Bale freakout dance remix had played during the end credits. 

And now let's talk trailers.  Specifically, the one that lured me into watching an entire hour of the MTV movie awards last night.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer

My first reaction: Oh god no.  The wolves are terrible, Jasper's slow-motion run is terrible, Bella's papercut is terrible oh my god they're ruining everything AGAIN.

But now that I've slept on it and watched the trailer 20 more times online, I don't think the wolves are so bad.  It's unfortunate that they aired a Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince trailer twenty minutes before the New Moon trailer, reminding us all what really good special effects look like, but honestly... the wolves, they're OK.  Considering the sunlight dazzle fiasco and how bad the wolves COULD have been, they look goddamn fantastic.

And then there's Bella.  Or, I should say, Kristen Stewart, because she is the one cast member who continually reminds us that this is  just a movie and she's just an "actress" and none of this is real.  Which, unfortunately, is exactly the opposite of how Iwant to feel when I think of anything Twilight-related.  So, thanks for that, Kristen Stewart, and thank you for your continued attempts to ruin the Twi-universe for me.  Let me ask you this, have you ever had a papercut?  Did you ever toss aside the offending materials and exclaim "ouch!  a papercut!" while drip-dropping blood on your hosts' white carpet?   I hate you more with every passing day.  I pray for a miracle in which you are fired post-haste and all of the New Moon footage is re-shoot using your long-lost identical twin sister who knows what a goddamn papercut looks like and is able to recite lines AND insert the proper emotional responses.  Hint: proper emotional responses do not equal lots of blinking.

Jasper's lame ass slow-motion run at Bella during the birthday scene is disappointing, but is quickly saved by Edward's response.  And so I'm thinking that New Moon will be very similar to Twilight: lots of lame, easily correctable awkwardness and so-so special effects, countered by Robert Pattinson's magical ability to actually transform into Edward Cullen and remind all of us that Edward IS real and life WILL go on.  Except this time, it looks like Edward will have some help: Jacob.  Friends, I love Jacob.  I adore him. I am so, so glad that they didn't pull an actor switch because I really think that Taylor Lautner is capable of BEING Jacob, perhaps as much as Robert Pattinson pulls off Edward.  And since we know that Edward is going to be scarce in New Moon, let's all breathe a hearty sigh of relief over that one.

I am a little bit disappointed that we didn't see anything from Italy, especially since we know they have filmed the piazza scene, but I'll assume there wasn't time to edit and incorporate it into the trailer.  I am anxious to see Dakota Fanning  as Jane and even more so to see a fully edited clip of Edward walking into the sunlight (please please PLEASE let them tone down the dazzle effect), but I guess they need to hold back something to keep us going these next six months. 

In case you didn't suffer through the MTV Movie Awards to catch the first glimpse of the trailer, here's what you missed: 

• The nominations for best male breakout performance pitted Robert Pattinson/Edward (obviously) against Taylor Lautner/Jacob (ridic since Jacob had all of six lines in Twilight) against the kid from The Chronicles of Narnia.  I found it especially satisfying to see the Narnia kid lose, knowing that he lobbied hard to steal the role of Jacob from Taylor Lautner in the Twilight sequels. Eat that, Prince Caspian.

• Edward and Bella won for Best Kiss and Kristen Stewart ruined the moment by being awkward during the acceptance speech

• Robert Pattinson and Cam Gigandet (James) won for best fight

• Kirsten Stewart won Best Female Breakout performance and then dropped her award on the stage on her way out

• When the cast walked out to do the intro for the New Moon trailer, the music playing in the background was Knights of Cydonia by Muse (Stephenie Meyer's favorite band), off the same album as Supermassive Black Hole. I noticed, and I thought it was AWESOME.   

• Twilight won for Best Movie, showing the true force of Twilight fan power.  It beat out Slumdog Millionaire and Batman: The Dark Knight.  I still haven't seen Slumdog, but I know it won about ten million grammies or academy awards or whatever, but I did see The Dark Knight, and even I, a diehard Twilighter, will admit that Dark Knight was a better movie.  I am really, really impressed that Twilight beat it out, knowing that Dark Knight has its own fairly hardcore fanbase.

• Miley Cyrus beat out Paramore for Best Song (Paramour was up for Decode), which was supremely disappoining.

And because Dakota Fanning was first rumored as being in talks about casting for New Moon ten days after I declared that she'd be the perfect Jane, I'm jsut going to throw this out there:  If Starlight by Muse somehow makes its way onto the New Moon soundtrack, that would be really rad. 

Comments

[Liz]

I agree with your movie review except I wouldn't have rated Terminator Salvation that high. I just wasn't impressed with the story line. But not bad overall.

I think there will be a few trailers for New Moon so I'm sure we'll see some Volturi action in there somewhere. I'm going to miss not seeing Edward in every scene but if we can replace those moments with a shirtless Jacob, I'm okay with that (these boys are all over 18 yes? Otherwise I will feel icky)

Also, I just finished Breaking Dawn (I was dragging it out purposefully...since February. I KNOW!) and, well, I didn't love it. There, I said it. I think my favorite was Twilight book 1 (of course) followed by Eclipse, and then Breaking Dawn and New Moon are almost a tie for me. I needed more Edward in New Moon.

[alyndabear]

I will DIE if Starlight is on the album. I love Muse! :)

Kristen Stewart just looks so bloody bored. Like, seriously, how much are you raking in off the Twilight saga? If she hates it as much as she seems to, she should never have auditioned. (Although it kills me to say, looks wise she is the perfect Bella. And I'd kill for her hair.)

I've always been on Team Jacob and DAMN, Taylor is so perfect. I bet there will be a lot of switchers now that he's buffed it up.

I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait.

And EEEEE even MORE excited (if possible!) about HP. I'm debating queuing up like a fangirl to see the premier at Leicester Square!

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I am so glad you said that about Kristen Stewart. It is like she doesn't bother trying because she doesn't have to. She is already Bella.

I also agree about Lautner. I think it is important for the plot that he looked like a kid in "Twilight" and in "New Moon" he looks HOT!

[Lindsey]

Kristen Stewart is so, so very lame. She can't act and she ruins Bella for me. I mean, seriously, what kind of paper cuts have blood immediately dripping out of them like that? I know that's not directly her fault, but STILL, she is not good at acting and like you said, it's painfully obvious that she is trying to "act."

I agree with you regarding Jacob. I heart Jacob in New Moon..HEART HEART HEART. He gets to be a bit douchey in Eclipse, but in New Moon I almost turned Team Jacob.

[Moose]

I already have SEE NEW MOON in my calendar on the day it opens. I'm just 13 years old like that.