This has probably been a long time coming

Hey, so you know what I did last weekend?  I went to my brother's wedding!  It was the most lovely wedding in the history of weddings.  Here's a picture of the newlyweds.

And that's the only picture I actually have with people in it (and by "people", yes, I mean "their hands") because, huh, that weekend went by at a supernaturally fast pace.  Possibly that shot of vodka my other brother and I did at 1:30 am in the hotel bar had something to do with it.  We were just trying to determine how drunk we were.  You all know the foolproof How Drunk Are You Test, right?  You do a shot of vodka.  If you need a chaser, you're not drunk enough.  If you accuse the bartender of putting water in your shot glass instead of vodka, who does he think he istrying to cut you off, you're fine and you KNOW water when you taste it THERE IS NO WAY THAT WAS VODKA SHUT UP OMG: you're probably drunk.  Seriously, this test works every time.  Try it!

Ever since we got home from my brother's lovely wedding, a sense of general panic has been slowly building up.  You see, I'd been using that wedding as a landmark in my head.  Every time I'd have one of those nagging thoughts about how I really probably should be figuring out whether we need to order table numbers and escort cards and maybe we should register at more than one store, I'd shrug it off because we still have lots of time -- and besides, we need to focus on K's wedding!  And his wedding is much closer!    Every time I'd start to worry about something for our wedding, I'd think about how stressed they must be and I'd go Google chat with my brother about how things were going and we'd exclaim over how fast the time was going by and how much fun the wedding was going to be.  I felt like I knew what I was talking about.  Don't worry about this, forget about that, all that matters is the two of you and your happiness blah blah blah. 

And now that their wedding is over and the newlyweds are off honeymooning in Hawaii, I'm starting to freak out.  There is no other way to put it.  There are a million seemingly simple decisions that need to be made and I just don't know.  Should we extend the reception by an hour?  On the one hand, we have people coming in from very far away to celebrate with us and I feel like the least we can do is give them a party that goes past 10pm... and on the other hand, I don't think I can live with myself if we spend $850 for one hour of time, and that's how much it would cost us to tack on extra time with the venue, the caterer and the DJ.  

Should we have table numbers printed?  What about programs and menu cards?  And what about shuttles from the hotels to the wedding and back again after the reception?  Will people be upset if we don't offer any transportation? 

And have I mentioned that we haven't booked a honeymoon, or even decided on where we want to go?   Or that my dress, which I ordered from a Very Reputable Bridal Shop in November hasn't arrived yet?  I was pretty much OK with both of these facts, but it seems I'm the only one who feels that way.  Everyone I've told about the MIA dress has been horrified.  What do you mean it's not here?  The wedding is six weeks away!  Uh, yes, I am aware.  But what am I supposed to do?  I have been faithfully calling the dress shop every week and they've assured me that everything is fine and the dress will be here in time.  And after all... we still have six weeks!  Six weeks is plenty of time to do whatever needs to be done with wedding dresses.  I'm annoyed that it's late and I'm aggravated that I cannot squeeze a definitive delivery date out of them, but there's no need to panic... right?

And the honeymoon... I mean, I don't' even know what to say to people who say things like "what are you waiting for?  I planned my entire honeymoon to Jamaica in two hours!"  That's great, but we're not interested in an all-inclusive lay-by-the-pool resort vacation.  We're considering all sorts of places: Ireland, Iceland, Canada, San Francisco.  Sure, we're a little behind the traditional schedule, but we've booked entire trips in far less time than six weeks.  In fact, if we book something this weekend as planned, I'm pretty sure it will be the farthest in advance we've ever booked a trip.  We booked the Barcelona trip less than a month ahead.  I only had about three weeks advance notice about the Scotland. So... we're fine, right?  Then why do I feel very much NOT FINE?

Worst of all, I hate myself for feeling this way.  Up until now, I've stuck to my mantra: if it's stressing you out, CUT IT.  I've caught myself a few times this week thinking "wow, it will be kind of nice when this wedding is over", and that is totally unacceptable.  I refuse to feel that way.  I refuse to spend our money and our time on something that isn't at least 90% enjoyable all the way through.

And so... yeah.  So that's how things are going!  I have been hesitating to write this entry because I'm afraid it'll sound whiny, I'm afraid it'll sound like I've lost focus on what really matters and I'm afraid I'll cringe if I re-read this a year from now.  Also, I'm a little bit nervous I might start crying.  I don't know how to write about how stressed I am without sounding like I'm not tremendously excited, which I am.  But I just feel like if I get another email from Macy's with helpful "last minute" wedding registry advice I might kill someone. 

Honestly, I cannot wait for our wedding.  I am so excited and so thrilled and so completely in love.  I know that's all that matters.  But I'm having trouble convincing the rest of the wedding industry.

Comments

[cassie]

You don't have to extend the reception by an hour. You designate a bar close to either the reception or to the hotel where your friends are staying, and continue the party there. Then, people are still enjoying your wedding, but you are not explicitly paying for it.

As for the rest of it, do want you think YOU want. No one really notices the menu cards, and very few people will save your programs, so don't put so much time and effort into it that you are going crazy.

It will all come together in the end.

[heidikins]

I wish I had some kind of sage advice, or even a justifiable comment.

But I'm wedding'd out right now (as a giant string of emails can attest).

However, I do think that Iceland would be absolutely GORGEOUS! So I'll just focus on that. ;o)

xox

[RA]

I am all about cutting out things you don't really want or can't really afford. The guests are coming for YOU, not their shuttle to the party. Or at least, they should be, anyway, and I have some fighting words for anyone who isn't.

[Mom]

Deep breathing ... and have faith that your family/friends are there to be supportive and helpful.

[Charise]

i agree with cassie about both her points.

i would start to worry a little about that dress ... every place i called about alterations wanted at least a month to do them.

you definitely have enough time to still plan a honeymoon (bc as you said, it's like any other big trip).

about the shuttle, it goes back to what you really want for your wedding. we decided from the beginning a shuttle was a must have, bc the wedding is in the country where you have to take winding, dark, unfamiliar roads to the hotel. and the #1 thing we want for our wedding is for it to be a big fun party, so we want all our guests to be able to drink as much as they want. fun fact, did you know shuttles charge you per hour for all the time in between pick-up and drop-off? yeah, $600 for a fricking shuttle. but like i said, it was a nonnegotiable for us. most weddings i go to don't have them unless the hotels provide complimentary shuttles. some people bitch, most people understand, so just do what you think is right for you guys and what fits in your budget. and if you go the after-party route, the shuttle really might not make sense unless it also takes people to the bar.

dude, i am starting to stress about the little details and i still have 3 months! you are definitely not alone, and everyone who has been through it understands what it's like to be really excited yet anxious.

[Charise]

oh, i also wanted to add (because that last comment wasn't long enough) that if you decide to go to ireland and want some recommendations for places to see/things to do, i studied abroad there and would happy to do so!

[sparklytosingle]

Whew, your feelings are totally justified. I don't think you sound whiny, just overwhelmed with a lot of things that need to get done. Planning a wedding is a blessing but it's also VERY TIME CONSUMING and has a million little things that go into it all coming together. So take a minute and feel justified for being a little freaked out.

If you want votes on what to cut, here's my suggestions:

-either extend the party by another hour or take Cassie's suggestions and have an after-party at a bar close by. Love that idea, actually.

-Order table numbers. It does help guests find their seats in a relatively quick fashion.

-Don't bother with programs or menu cards if you are overwhelmed. They are nice-to-haves but not need-to-haves, and definitely not at the expense of your sanity.

-6 weeks is plenty of time to book your honeymoon, don't worry about it. I think people are only shocked to hear that you haven't booked it yet because it is something that many people look forward to their whole lives, they just can't understand why you wouldn't have done it yet! But who cares. It doesn't matter how many months in advance it was booked, you'll still leave on the same day and have the same awesome vacation. Your style is more last minute, so roll with that.

-Maybe consider unsubscribing from that Macy's mailing list :)

[blaez]

congratulations to your brother and his new bride!!

congratulations to you and your soon-to-be groom!!

our wedding is a little under 2 yrs away (its a destination wedding so we're giving ourselves plenty of time and we're moving to Florida afterwards, like quitting our jobs a month before the wedding to move and then get married!!...)

so i can completely understand your anxiety... omigod i'm so happy for you!!!

[Cheryl]

You can do it! I have faith!

Don't worry about the programs. Very few people keep them, and, to me, it only makes it glaringly obvious when the organist/musician plays the wrong song or things happen out of order.

Our honeymoon was a thrown together thing, and it was awesome. May I recommend Ambergris Caye or Caye Caulker in Belize? Plenty of relaxing beach time and if you want more strenuous activities, a trip to the mainland takes no time at all and you can go hiking, tubing, etc. Also, Ireland is beautiful and super fun to find out of the ordinary things to do. My mom and I did this package where you rent a car, have a booklet of B&B's to choose from, and you just head out. So much fun.

[Lindsey]

I thought that I should make the reception past 10 too, but my mom said, "trust me, you will be so tired by then..." She was right, and I was glad I didn't spend extra money for one more hour. Just my assvice for you...

Your wedding is going to be so perfect, but my stomach knots up just reading this because I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! Everything will work out...don't let people stress you out. Everything is going to fall into place! You will be more beautiful than Bella on her wedding day. I just know it!! LOL

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Oh honey. I could have written this post. I mean, I know YOU wrote it, but I totally could have too -- I'm feeling pretty much 100% the way you are. I really think someone should start a Group Bridal Therapy company or something. Hey, there's a smart business idea! You in? It's not like either of us has anything ELSE to do, right?

(PS: you can TOTALLY book a honeymoon in less than six weeks. My god, people just freak out because of the word "honeymoon." If you said you were going on vacation in six weeks but hadn't quite nailed down where yet, no-one would bat an eye, I bet. Let me know if you need any help.)