And this is why you can't trust doctors

Joel and I were invited to a fourth of July BBQ this Saturday. Fun, right? Sure, unless you're me. And you don't really like doing stuff. Or talking to people. 

Also, this BBQ is just us and two other couples from my work. I like them both very much, but I don't really like hanging out with work people on the weekends. Because that means I have to wear real clothes and act like a normal person. And I have social anxiety that I normally treat by drinking several alcoholic beverages except I can't drink. Thanks for nothing, baby.

I was sorely tempted to say "sorry, can't make it!" and revel in our long weekend with no plans, no obligations, nowhere to be. But then I realized, hmmm, perhaps this is why I don't have any friends in this city. And I remembered how I got a severe case of The Sads about halfway through Memorial Day weekend when I realized we had done absolutely nothing (this is ridiculous, because I love doing nothing. I never claimed to be rational, and also LAY OFF ME I'M PREGNANT).

I'd be embarassed to tell you how much time I spent thinking about whether we should go to this stupid BBQ or not. Finally, I clicked "respond" on the invitation email, said "We'd love to come! See you there!" and clicked "send" before I had time to think about it. There! We're going! It will be fun! I'll make Pioneer Woman's pesto cream pasta and everything will be great!

And then this morning I got slapped with these fun accessories.

Apparently this is what happens if you have astronomically high cholesterol and mention to your doctor that you've been having intermittent chest pain and heart palpitations. Sure, no problem, I'll wear a heart monitor for 48 hours, I said at yesterday's 29-week appointment.  In my head I was envisioning something like the heart rate monitor that Joel uses when working out, a discreet little band that goes around your chest and is easily hidden by a shirt. Instead, I got electrodes from my ribs to my neck, a mess of wires, a sweet little battery pack that you wear around like a shoulder bag, and orders not to shower until Sunday at 11am. It's classy AND sexy and I'm currently praying that we get out of work early for the holiday so I can go home and hide in the house until Sunday morning.

OH WAIT EXCEPT I HAVE TO GO TO A FUCKING BARBEQUE AND MAKE SMALL TALK WHILE LOOKING LIKE WALL-E'S FATTER COUSIN.

SOBER.

This baby owes me so hard.

 

Comments

[Mary Frances]

The title of this post is totally a truth fact. The Saturday before I delivered our baby, the on-call OB told me that I wouldn't leave the hospital without a baby. Naturally, after talking to another doctor on Monday morning, on Monday afternoon I left the hospital without a baby (before rushing back Tuesday to have the baby).

In other news: good for you for being social and going to the BBQ! Sometimes I really struggle to motivate myself to see people/do things (which makes me feel ike a hermit now that I've typed it out).

[Kari]

I'd say that you have a perfectly legitimate excuse not to go to the BBQ if you want it!

[heidikins]

Gaaah, good night, woman! That's sucktacular! But hey, it could make for some awesome ice-breakers.

Them: OMG, what are you wearing?
You: I'm in a special study with NASA...

Them: OMG, what are you wearing?
You: Oh, it's a porpoise locator. It notifies me whenever there are dangerous porpoises around so there isn't some kind of emergency where PETA would get all huffy and pissy.

Them: OMG, what are you wearing?
You: Yves Saint Laurent

Them: OMG, what are you wearing?
You: Pardon? Is there a problem?

Man, you could have ALL SORTS of fun with this! (Also? I'm sorry.)

[Angela Noelle]

Between your post and Heidikins' comment, I am cracking up over here! I'm so curious to hear how the barbecue went, and more importantly how your heart is doing! Hope you had lots of fun :)

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

Oh MAN.

How did it go? Did you have to bring your new friends to the July 4th party?

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