You know what I would not recommend, Internet? Falling down. More specifically, falling down face-first onto cement when you're seven months pregnant. Which is exactly what I did on Monday night. I slipped, I fell, I landed directly on my belly, and I bought myself a 24-hour stay in Labor and Delivery. What can I say, I didn't want to be upstaged by Joel and his visit to the ER.
Thankfully, everything is OK. Sir Fetus seems undaunted (so unperturbed that he didn't move for a full 30 minutes after the fall, which sent me into a panic thinking he was, you know, DEAD.) It seems that I didn't tear any vital internal baby accessories, we stemmed a possible onset of premature labor, and everything is going to be fine as long as Madame Cervix stays at her current 1-2 cm position and the contractions I've been having since the fall keep themselves nice and spread out. I have strict orders to keep myself on a pre-bedrest regimen, avoiding strenous exercise, lifting or carrying anything heavy, and certain, ahem, adult activities (collective sad face from the men in the audience). Oh, and I'm also supposed to stay excessively hydrated for the remainder of the pregnancy and not fall down any more. I didn't tell the doctors just how good I am at falling down (anyone remember this?), afraid they'd strap me into a straitjacket for the next nine weeks.
All joking aside, it was a mildly terrifying and generally un-fun experience. I do not enjoy being in the hospital. I kind of wish I'd more seriously considered a hippie yoga home birth just so I wouldn't have to have an IV in my arm when I give birth (but then again, I really want that epidural, so I guess I'll deal). I don't like "sleeping" in a tiny, uncomfortable bed, with wires all over me and machines beeping and people coming in to do things like "check on me" and "take my blood pressure" and say "oops I thought this room was empty." I really, really do not like not eating for 24 hours. I'm sorry, but 5 liters of IV fluids just doesn't cut it. (Funny thing, though: you know what the nurses brought me when my 24 hours was up and my IV came out? A cold turkey sandwich from the cafeteria. So much for listeria!) Overall, I give the experience one star and would certainly not recommend it to my friends.
The good thing to come out of it, though, is that I feel better equipped to handle labor when it comes. I was terrified when we arrived, but I didn't cry (the closest I came is when Joel left to go home and sleep -- at my insistence -- and I suddenly felt horribly lonely) or totally freak out. The procedures ranged from mildly uncomfortable (wearing monitoring belts around your stomach for 24 hours, "sleeping" in a tiny bed with said belts on) to pretty painful (blown out veins during IV insertion, semi-strong contractions, raging headache) to downright awful (three full pelvic exams and four cervix checks in 24 hours, several performed by a resident who needs some serious work on her technique with a speculum), but I was able to breathe and focus on relaxing the rest of my body and just living through it. Make no mistake, I didn't exactly have a smile on my face and I know labor is going to be much, much harder. But I feel like I can do it now. That's more than I could say a few weeks ago, when we were fresh out of the Childbirth Class of Doom.
But I'd still like to not do it for at least another 8-9 weeks. You hear that, Sir Fetus? Stay in there. And in the meantime, Joel and I will think very seriously about finally getting that crib set up.
Oh, myyyyyyy! That must have been a scary experience. Glad to hear you made it through okay and I'm crossing my fingers for many more weeks of the fetus staying in your belly. :)
Posted by: Zandria | Friday, July 15, 2011 at 03:19 PM
Daaaah! I got all hurty in mah belly just READING this post! I'm so glad you're okay! (To Fetus, she didn't do it on purpose, you are not allowed to start a revolt for at least 9 weeks, and then if you could do it silently and sleeping that would be awesome, K?)
xox
Posted by: heidikins | Friday, July 15, 2011 at 03:36 PM
glad everyone's ok!!
Posted by: Kari | Friday, July 15, 2011 at 03:41 PM
I saw your tweets earlier this week and gah! Scary indeed. Also, I thought you were waiting to find out the gender? Did you sneak a peek already? For sure it's a boy?
Posted by: Liz | Friday, July 15, 2011 at 03:58 PM
Haha, no... no peeks. I just don't love saying "it", so I use male nicknames/pronouns sometimes. It must be the former Spanish-speaker in me, but I feel like male pronouns are acceptable when the sex is unknown :) We still have no idea, it could actually be Her Ladyship Fetus! (I need to stop reading those Phillipa Gergory books.)
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | Friday, July 15, 2011 at 04:08 PM
That is so scary, Jen, but I'm glad you are okay. Take care of yourself!!!
Posted by: Lindsey | Sunday, July 17, 2011 at 10:11 AM
Why must I start all my comments to you with "dude"? But...dude. Childbirth is easier than that. (with an epidural, which is the only way I've experienced it) Good for you for staying calm.
Posted by: Erika | Monday, July 18, 2011 at 01:36 PM
That sounds terrifying. So glad everything's okay and you came away from it feeling better about your next hospital trip.
Posted by: Audrey | Wednesday, July 20, 2011 at 09:31 AM