I've been trying hard to think of what I want to say about how life has changed, what our days are like now. I've been trying even harder to find the time to sit down at the computer and type. People told me that I wasn't going to have any time to get things done once the baby was born and I just didn't believe them. I mean, if you're going to be sitting home and taking care of a baby is your only job and that baby sleeps sixteen to eighteen hours a day... seems like you'd have a lot of time to do stuff around the house in there.
Yeah, not exactly. First of all, whoever said that babies sleep sixteen to eighteen hours a day was on crack. My baby does not sleep that much. And she is a GREAT sleeper. (I can say this now. Four weeks ago I would have laughed so hard and then kicked you in the face if you'd said that to me.) But she does not sleep eighteen hours a day. She is "sleeping" right now, and by that I mean she's sitting in her baby papasan chair grunting her head off, about to wake up any second. And when she wakes up, she's going to want to eat. Even though she just ate thirty minutes ago. Before she eats, though, we're going to need to change her diaper because I am pretty sure this level of warthog noise is leading up to a massive diaper deposit. And then her eating is going to take another thirty minutes. Then maybe -- MAYBE -- she'll take a real nap. And then maybe I can get some lunch for myself. And by lunch I mean a homemade milkshake consisting of generic cookies and cream ice cream and one percent milk mixed together in a coffee mug and shoveled into my mouth while standing next to the fridge.
I have not used an actual computer in weeks. All of my internetting is done on my phone. One-handed, while breastfeeding the baby with the other hand. Usually in the middle of the night. I used to hate the touchscreen keyboard (the reason I got the phone I have is because it has a full slideout keyboard), but I'm learning to love it because I can use it with one hand. I have written pages and pages of emails with my thumb at 4am.
Speaking of breastfeeding, it sucks. No pun intended. If it wasn't 1) universally recognized as the best thing for babies and 2) free, I'd be at Costco right now buying a pallet of formula. My boobs are sore. I'm tired of having an infant attached to me for 30-40 minutes a pop, 8-12 times a day. I know some people find the experience to be wonderful and bonding and whatever, but I do not. I kind of hate it. I am counting the days until we can introduce solid foods and I'll be able to leave the house for more than half an hour without worrying that my baby is at home screaming because she's hungry. It's going to be pretty damn nice when I don't have to furiously pump for an entire week just so I can get enough milk stored to go to a ninety minute yoga class on the weekend.
Speaking of yoga, I finally got up the nerve to email my instructor and see if I needed to make up the two days that I missed because Mrs. Baby couldn't hold out until her due date. And the verdict is: I do not! I am so, so relieved. I would have totally understood if she said I did have to make up those days (although technically I should only have had to make up one day, since we were allowed one excused absence). I knew the rules when I enrolled in the course and I knew I was cutting it ridiculously close to my due date. But I am so happy. I got filled in on what I missed and now I just need to do the take-home final exam and write a paper and I'll be officially certified. And I'll get right on those, as soon as it doesn't take me a month to write a blog post any more.
Speaking of... other things as they come into my head:
- Life without cable. We finally manned up and and quit Comcast about a week after Hannah was born. I was prepared for it to fully and totally suck and make me hate my life (more than I hated life that week already, but that's another looong post that I am not fully prepared to write). But it turns out, life without cable is not that bad! Mostly because I have discovered Friday Night Lights on Netflix Instant. We're either watching our cable shows live on the channels we still get for free (which really blows after years of being able to pause, rewind, fast forward, and watch shows whenever we damn well pleased) (it blows a little extra when your baby likes to cry from 7:30-10:30pm most days so you can't hear anything anyone on TV is saying) or watching them on Hulu Plus. I thought Hulu Plus was going to be the savoir of our no-cable heathen lives, but I'm really not impressed at all. Half the shows I want to watch are restricted to web viewing only, which is why I have stopped watching Project Runway and Jersey Shore. At night when Joel is home we watch shows online, but during the day... not going to happen. I can barely manage to get the computer turned on, let alone hook it up to the TV and do whatever else I need to do to get that system working. But I can't really say my life is any less rich without ProRun and Snooki in it. Overall, life without cable isn't half as bad as I thought it would be.
- Our house. I hate it. It's been too small for us for years, but now with an extra person and that extra person's STUFF I feel downright claustrophobic. And trust me, we don't even have that much baby stuff. We just don't have space for it. But even so, now if I want to go for a walk with the baby, I need to 1) go upstairs and fetch the carseat, 2) move the aforementioned papasan chair, the only place besides my chest that she will consent to sleep, onto the couch, 3) scoot the stroller base out of the corner and try to navigate it in the two feet of space between the coffee table and the TV without knocking anything over, 4) carry the stroller base down the steps outside our front door, 5) leave the door open so I can make sure no one steals the stroller base, 6) carry the carseat and baby outside and attach to the stroller, 7) shut the door and try to lock it while the baby screams from the stroller. Getting back inside is just as much fun. Almost as much fun as carrying that baby papasan chair down two flights of stairs when we migrate from the bedroom to the living room every morning. I. hate. this. house. I hate every last stair and narrow, dark hallway and all the closets that don't exist.
- As much of a pain in the ass as I just made getting the stroller out of the house sound like, I've become quite adept at getting the whole process done pretty quickly. The first time I took Hannah for a walk around the neighborhood by myself I felt like there should have been a prize waiting for me at home. I took the baby outside! BY MYSELF! (It sound ridiculous, doesn't it? I know. The me from two months ago is laughing too.) And then the week after, I took the baby to Target by myself. IN THE CAR. Again, no prize was waiting for me when I got home. Two weeks after that, I decided I was such a pro I could take Hannah on a 200-mile car ride for a two and a half day tour of the motherland. And it was fine! Yet, again, no prize basket awaited when I returned home unscathed. I'd like a word with whoever is in charge of prizes in this town.
Aaaaaand she's awake. Talk to you guys in a month.