This post has taken me a month to write

I've been trying hard to think of what I want to say about how life has changed, what our days are like now. I've been trying even harder to find the time to sit down at the computer and type. People told me that I wasn't going to have any time to get things done once the baby was born and I just didn't believe them. I mean, if you're going to be sitting home and taking care of a baby is your only job and that baby sleeps sixteen to eighteen hours a day... seems like you'd have a lot of time to do stuff around the house in there.

Yeah, not exactly. First of all, whoever said that babies sleep sixteen to eighteen hours a day was on crack. My baby does not sleep that much. And she is a GREAT sleeper. (I can say this now. Four weeks ago I would have laughed so hard and then kicked you in the face if you'd said that to me.) But she does not sleep eighteen hours a day. She is "sleeping" right now, and by that I mean she's sitting in her baby papasan chair grunting her head off, about to wake up any second. And when she wakes up, she's going to want to eat. Even though she just ate thirty minutes ago. Before she eats, though, we're going to need to change her diaper because I am pretty sure this level of warthog noise is leading up to a massive diaper deposit. And then her eating is going to take another thirty minutes. Then maybe -- MAYBE -- she'll take a real nap. And then maybe I can get some lunch for myself. And by lunch I mean a homemade milkshake consisting of generic cookies and cream ice cream and one percent milk mixed together in a coffee mug and shoveled into my mouth while standing next to the fridge.

I have not used an actual computer in weeks. All of my internetting is done on my phone. One-handed, while breastfeeding the baby with the other hand. Usually in the middle of the night. I used to hate the touchscreen keyboard (the reason I got the phone I have is because it has a full slideout keyboard), but I'm learning to love it because I can use it with one hand. I have written pages and pages of emails with my thumb at 4am.

Speaking of breastfeeding, it sucks. No pun intended. If it wasn't 1) universally recognized as the best thing for babies and 2) free, I'd be at Costco right now buying a pallet of formula. My boobs are sore. I'm tired of having an infant attached to me for 30-40 minutes a pop, 8-12 times a day. I know some people find the experience to be wonderful and bonding and whatever, but I do not. I kind of hate it. I am counting the days until we can introduce solid foods and I'll be able to leave the house for more than half an hour without worrying that my baby is at home screaming because she's hungry. It's going to be pretty damn nice when I don't have to furiously pump for an entire week just so I can get enough milk stored to go to a ninety minute yoga class on the weekend.

Speaking of yoga, I finally got up the nerve to email my instructor and see if I needed to make up the two days that I missed because Mrs. Baby couldn't hold out until her due date. And the verdict is: I do not! I am so, so relieved. I would have totally understood if she said I did have to make up those days (although technically I should only have had to make up one day, since we were allowed one excused absence). I knew the rules when I enrolled in the course and I knew I was cutting it ridiculously close to my due date. But I am so happy. I got filled in on what I missed and now I just need to do the take-home final exam and write a paper and I'll be officially certified. And I'll get right on those, as soon as it doesn't take me a month to write a blog post any more.  

Speaking of... other things as they come into my head:

• Life without cable. We finally manned up and and quit Comcast about a week after Hannah was born. I was prepared for it to fully and totally suck and make me hate my life (more than I hated life that week already, but that's another looong post that I am not fully prepared to write). But it turns out, life without cable is not that bad! Mostly because I have discovered Friday Night Lights on Netflix Instant. We're either watching our cable shows live on the channels we still get for free (which really blows after years of being able to pause, rewind, fast forward, and watch shows whenever we damn well pleased) (it blows a little extra when your baby likes to cry from 7:30-10:30pm most days so you can't hear anything anyone on TV is saying) or watching them on Hulu Plus. I thought Hulu Plus was going to be the savoir of our no-cable heathen lives, but I'm really not impressed at all.  Half the shows I want to watch are restricted to web viewing only, which is why I have stopped watching Project Runway and Jersey Shore. At night when Joel is home we watch shows online, but during the day... not going to happen. I can barely manage to get the computer turned on, let alone hook it up to the TV and do whatever else I need to do to get that system working. But I can't really say my life is any less rich without ProRun and Snooki in it. Overall, life without cable isn't half as bad as I thought it would be.
• Our house. I hate it. It's been too small for us for years, but now with an extra person and that extra person's STUFF I feel downright claustrophobic. And trust me, we don't even have that much baby stuff. We just don't have space for it. But even so, now if I want to go for a walk with the baby, I need to 1) go upstairs and fetch the carseat, 2) move the aforementioned papasan chair, the only place besides my chest that she will consent to sleep, onto the couch, 3) scoot the stroller base out of the corner and try to navigate it in the two feet of space between the coffee table and the TV without knocking anything over, 4) carry the stroller base down the steps outside our front door, 5) leave the door open so I can make sure no one steals the stroller base, 6) carry the carseat and baby outside and attach to the stroller, 7) shut the door and try to lock it while the baby screams from the stroller. Getting back inside is just as much fun. Almost as much fun as carrying that baby papasan chair down two flights of stairs when we migrate from the bedroom to the living room every morning. I. hate. this. house. I hate every last stair and narrow, dark hallway and all the closets that don't exist.
• As much of a pain in the ass as I just made getting the stroller out of the house sound like, I've become quite adept at getting the whole process done pretty quickly. The first time I took Hannah for a walk around the neighborhood by myself I felt like there should have been a prize waiting for me at home. I took the baby outside! BY MYSELF! (It sound ridiculous, doesn't it? I know. The me from two months ago is laughing too.) And then the week after, I took the baby to Target by myself. IN THE CAR. Again, no prize was waiting for me when I got home. Two weeks after that, I decided I was such a pro I could take Hannah on a 200-mile car ride for a two and a half day tour of the motherland. And it was fine! Yet, again, no prize basket awaited when I returned home unscathed. I'd like a word with whoever is in charge of prizes in this town.

Aaaaaand she's awake. Talk to you guys in a month.

Comments

[Lisa]

Yes :-) I remember everything you just described.

It gets easier. Promise. But it sounds like you are doing fine already.

Its amazing how much paraphernalia babies seem to bring with them. And how much laundry they generate.

[Isabel]

Sounds like you've pretty much got it all figured out. :-)

I had the same thoughts about breastfeeding when Babboo was born. Dude...it is a full time job to just SIT and nurse a baby. I was so ready to quit. But then I realized if I stopped nursing him I'd be paying for formula and still sitting there feeding him a bottle. Same amount of time, more money. So yeah, I feel you on that. (Thankfully they stop nursing so much. And then you actually start missing all that snuggle time. For reals. It's insane.)

Looking forward to hearing from you in a month!

[audrey]

I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who doesn't love breast feeding. It eats up so much time (no pun intended) and so far is not the great bonding experience everyone says it is. Mostly I just find it to be a pain in the ass. But yeah - it's way cheaper than formula. (This comment brought to you by the previously hated touch screen keyboard on my phone.)

[HollowSquirrel]

I LOVE YOU AND HANNAH AND THIS POST! Every new mom should read it -- it's funny and real. I ditto what Isabel said. I was DETERMINED to breastfeed even though, for me, it was incredibly painful. A friend of mine, who was 8 months ahead of me said, "it will be painful for six weeks, but you can do anything for six weeks, right?" And I agreed and was DETERMINED, I tell ya, even though, yeah, they eat all the damn time and it was like razor blades being sucked out the actual nipple...but then, one day, I found myself thinking "this is the most wonderful thing in the whole wide world," and I snapped myself out of the stupor and giddily called my husband at work because I MEANT IT! The boobs weren't hurting, the baby was nestled in my arms feeding off milk my body produced, and YES, it didn't hurt. TOTALLY WORTH IT! You're a rockstar for keeping at it, and YES, you deserve prizes. I felt the same way...where's the tickertape parade? Doesn't anyone else see what we did -- we left the house and returned without someone dying! Woot! Well, I'm tossing up shredded bills in your honor! Imagine me blowing horns in your honor (ok, but not loud enough to wake the baby)! You're awesome and hilarious and thank you for sharing your life with us! Now go shovel cookies into your mouth standing up (yup, do that still). May I recommend oatmeal teddy grahams dipped in Nutella? No. Don't do it.

[Erika]

There really is nothing better to read than a new mom's honesty. I have missed you, but I totally, totally get it!

[-R-]

I'm glad yoga worked out!

I still don't LOVE breastfeeding, but eh, it's fine. I never thought we would get to the point where it wasn't constant, but she really goes about 3 hours between feedings now.

I am impressed with your getting out of the house skills.

[heidikins]

I have always suspected that babies--even brand new babies--poop and cry and don't sleep and muck around with your life and things aren't all unicorn tears and rainbow fluff.

Thank you for keeping t real.

xooxox

[Kari]

Welcome back! See you in a month! It's great to hear your honesty and about your first few weeks/months of life with a newborn. I hear everyone saying it will get better and easier, so for what it's worth, I pass that along with no personal experience with a baby! hugs to you all!

[Carrie]

HAHA...this was SO me with my first son. I HATED breastfeeding but was determined to do it, plus I didn't want to spend money (that we didn't have) on formula. It was blissful when he finally stopped taking an HOUR to nurse every two hours (omg). I love this post...it's real. Not rainbows and butterflies like everyone expects it to be.

[Beth]

Missed your blog posts. Excited for next month's installment (or maybe a December post, no pressure!)

I feel like I should get an award when I do laundry, mail something, or put in a new garbage bag--and I am not straddled with a needy infant. So, I agree that you should be getting a gift basket, minimum, for your fearless trips!

[Louise]

I just wanted to thank you for your honesty surrounding breast feeding and motherhood. I read so many things saying it's full of rainbows and unicorns and roses, so reading your post was like a breath of fresh air.

[Angela Noelle]

I'm always so intrigued by these "life after baby" posts--it really does sound like you are doing such an amazing job in an absolutely enormous transition period. And I'm actually jealous of you that you gave up on Project Runway early on. I did not, and I actually feel like I lost a huge part of my life to that awfulness. Give it back, Bunim-Murray! GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK!

[Charm City Kim]

I don't think I would have survived my maternity leave without the iPad. It was the only way I stayed in touch with anyone.

As for hating your house, I can totally empathize. I live in a tiny Baltimore City row home and now it just feels even more cramped. There are days when I feel like Babies R Us vomited all over my living/dining room. And don't get me started on how I now get PISSED when I can't park in front of my house and have to walk a 20+ lb baby in a not easy to carry car seat a few more feet to my house.

(but I promise it gets easier - or maybe you just adapt because you have to?)

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