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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

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We emailed a few months back about thrush stuff, at the time I thought my son and I had won the battle. (Sadly, that is no longer the case.)

I wanted to let you know that I'm so sorry that the thrush caused such horrible nipple trauma - that sounds truly awful. Your effort and persistence was/is AMAZING. The battle against thrush is so overwhelming and complex and unclear. Ugh. It's hard to walk away when you have put so much time and effort into it, you know? But it sounds like life will be far more pleasant for you once you've healed and don't have to vinegar the entire house all day everyday.

I have actually started seeing a therapist from the stress - much of it thrush related. Or thrush treatment step related. I'm currently working off a two-page spreadsheet to keep track of all the steps. Guessing you understand :)

When I talked to a lactation consultant today she asked me if I thought about weaning (son is nearly 7 months). At first I thought this was going to be a "Must persevere through all pain!" sort of talk, but it turns out she was actually suggesting it as an option given how challenging life with thrush can be.

A lactation consultant was basically telling me to considering weaning - I think that makes it pretty clear just how hard it is to beat. And if this last ditch mega effort (doing every step and supplement and medication possible) doesn't work, weaning will be next.

Anyway, be proud of what you did and hopefully as the days will pass you will find you are healing in all the ways you need to and can just ENJOY feeding your girl.

oh, I'm so sorry. That sucks on so many levels. You tried so hard and persevered long past when other people would have given up. I hope that you both get better soon.

As for a do-over, my first child self-weaned at 8 months after a rocky start with bf-ing (we just never got it right, and at 5 months the pediatrician told me to switch to formula bc he was losing weight, and I did but still continued to bf, which my kid just wanted no part of). The next two kids both nursed until they were 2, and my youngest is STILL obsessed with my bosoms, nearly 8 months past weaning. Do-overs are possible.

I hope your boobs heal straight away. And do something nice for yourself for being such a good mom.

Congrats for trying! Damn, that was a lot to deal with, you are amazing for going as long as you did. You. Are. Awesome!

Oh, Jennifer, I can totally hear the stress and sadness in your voice. I am so sorry. Wish I could give you a big hug. I'm sorry that despite your hard work and persistence it just didn't get better. I know you know you aren't a failure (and blahblahblah) but I'm sure it still sucks.

Hoping for better days ahead. The good news is Hannah is ridiculously adorable :)

I second what Janet said! Also, I hope you still write at least one more post about breast-feeding. In a few months, after the emotions have subsided, I hope you revisit this and (hopefully) say something along the lines of "why didn't I stop sooner?!"

I have no disillusions about breastfeeding. I'll try it, but I'm already mentally preparing myself for it to not go as planned. And I think I'm okay with that.

It's especially hard because hormones are all tied up in breastfeeding. I am sorry that you worked so freaking hard, and breastfeeding still didn't work. I hope you heal quickly.

I tried but couldn't breastfeed Ren, but it totally worked with Ree. So there's hope it will be much better if you have more children.

E-mail me any time you want to talk!

Also, Hannah is super cute! I really love that I heart NJ onesie too.

Oh, man. I'm sorry it was such a struggle.

BUT I love love love seeing Hannah in her NJ/VT onesie! Those pictures warm my stone-cold heart.

Cry away, my friend, cry away. I think I would probably agree with your doctor after reading everything you just wrote, but I would feel exactly the same way if it had been me. It is oh so different and I think it's more than okay to feel sad and disappointed. Feel it, grieve it, and then move on knowing you gave it your best shot and now that it's over you can enjoy your daughter that much more without the stress and pain of thrush.

Oh honey, sending lots of hugs your way. I wish I knew what else to say, but I don't. So I'm sending hugs. Really gentle ones, that don't hurt your boobies.

xox

I'm so sorry about this, OPH. Breastfeeding is such an emotional process, and I know that this is a loss. Good luck while you navigate through the coming days...I know it'll be hard. But, as you so wisely say, it will all be ok. Hannah will continue to be a happy, healthy (and oh-my-goodness SO adorable!) baby, and you will be able to feel your nipples again. Hooray! But still...I'll be thinking of you.

You did amazing with the work you did put into breastfeeding, Jen!

Looking back - can you pinpoint what happened? (read in a panicked me voice: how do I make sure I do not get attacked by THURSH FROM HELL with my baby???)

I seriously am in awe that you did it for as long as you did. I would have probably given up after three minutes.

Also, I see on Twitter that napping has improved. Woot! Ten points for formula.

You and I talked on Twitter, but I wanted to say here that you did an amazing job with breastfeeding - AMAZING - and that Hannah is lucky to have such a dedicated mother. That dedication will manifest itself in lots of different ways as she grows up. You rock, my friend. Much love.

Also - I still have recurring yeast infections around my c-section incision (damn tire gut), so I blow dry that sucker every time I shower. Every. Time.

Hahaha! I said all the same things before trying the boobs. It wont be a big deal if it doesn't work. Yada yada yada. Yeah. So many more emotions than just stopping. It made me feel like I was giving up on taking care of my child. That is my job! I am suppose to be the one taking care of him. Oh good lord. It was so hard, in my head, to be useless. Or to have stupid fat sacs on the front of my chest that were good for nothing.

Hug hug hug. And sorry about the hard boobiez.

Awwww sweetie... that is horrible. Horrible. I'm so sorry you have been going through this AWFULNESS and that it led to such an emotional decision. Many hugs.

Oh, Jen, look at that baby. You made her! She is perfect. I can't believe you did all of EVERYTHING and you're still at this point. It's bullshit. It's not fair. I'm sorry and I can only imagine how hard it's gotta be. I struggled with giving up breastfeeding and I didn't go through near the amount of stuff you did so it's got to be terrible. I hope your boobs heal quickly--they owe you!

Wish we were closer and could be mom friends!

I'm coming from a very different place than you as I'm not a mother, but I watch a ton of babies who are formula fed, and when I see the freedom that their mothers have, I'm awfully seduced by the lure of formula feeding. I've never been particularly interested in breast feeding, I know I'll try it, but I've never judged anyone for how they feed their baby, and I think you have certainly done EVERYTHING in your power to make this work. I can hear how heartbreaking this is for you, and that makes me so, so sad for you. I hope that the weaning process goes smoothly for you all. That Hannah is just absolutely gorgeous. xoxo

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I know I'm way late in commenting over here, but I think about you and your boobs every day. Wait. That came out wrong. But you know what I mean. I hope. ANYWAY, I'm really sorry for all of the bullshit that damn thrush put you through, and now to have to give up breastfeeding before you're ready...that just really sucks. And I'm sorry. I hope you're healing, both physically and emotionally.

p.s. Hannah looks totally adorable in RA's onesie!

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