Operation Pink Herring

And a happy new year to you, good sirs!

I did this quiz last year, and I'm sort of surprised at how many of my answers this year are exactly the same. The more things change, the more they stay the same, I guess!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Got engaged, and did all sorts of wedding-related stuff!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I like to make a million resolutions every year, so it’s only natural that I fail at some of them.  I think that I did quite well overall, but I’ll have to see when I get out the list and go over it… and that will be a post of its own.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No.  My friends are still all in the wedding stage, no babies yet. 

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? Spain, Scotland… and domestically, I also visited Vermont and Utah, among other less exotic states. It’s been quite a year for traveling!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A job that is fulfilling.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 20th, the day Joel proposed.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?  I accomplished my goal of working out five times a week and going to yoga 52 times  during the year!

9. What was your biggest failure?  Not doing more about #6.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing to speak of, and for that I am very grateful. 

11. What was the best thing you bought?  It’s a tie, between the Tempurpedic mattress and my Nikon D80.  I love them both to pieces.  Runners up would be wedding dress #2(can’t wait to wear it!  Squee!) and our own wireless internet (no more borrowing the neighbor’s spotty signal).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Assistant Girl at my office.  She is truly a saint.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?  Isabella Swan’s.  I get sicker of her whining about not being able to go through with a frilly wedding every time I read Eclipse... and let's just say that's a lot of times.  

14. Where did most of your money go? Oh, where DIDN’T my money go?   Let’s see: the mortgage, the various aspects of the wedding, all of the items in #11, and the cats (kitty chemo, anyone?) are the biggest ticket items this year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to Scotland, getting married.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Supermassive Black Hole, by Muse.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) Happier or Sadder? Happier.
(b) Thinner or Fatter? About the same, sadly.
(c) Richer or Poorer? With the current state of my IRA and all the wedding-related expenses looming in the near future, I’d have to say poorer. 

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Hiking.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?  Fretting.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2008?  We celebrated Christmas, Observed with my family a few weekends ago in New Jersey, and then spent December 25th at home. 

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Yes, with my new camera.

22. What was your favorite TV program?  It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?  I don’t hate anyone new, but my loathing for a few individuals has intensified. 

24. What was the best book you read?  The Twilight series. 

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?  The Twilight soundtrack.

26. What did you want and get?  Many, many things.  A new bed, a new camera, and a gaggle of  happy pets that don’t fight (too much) are at the top of the list.

27. What did you want and not get?  A million dollars.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?  Twilight (I have now seen it three times… and counting).

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?  This question is always tough for me in a New Year’s quiz because my birthday was nearly a year ago.   But thanks to this blog, I can tell you exactly how I spent January 8, 2008:

For my birthday, my coworkers decked out Tiny Grim with a birthday card dangling from his clanking chains and a Happy Birthday sign taped over his sheet music.   To add festivity, they taped a clown magnet to his candle.  It was such a lovely thought that I almost cried (it was also really early in the morning).   We ordered Chipotle for lunch, they surprised me with a cake in the afternoon, and Joel and I ordered pizza for dinner (my request).   Joel surprised me with an ice cream cake and a very sweet card that featured a street gang of cats on the front.   I got more calls and emails than I could return, and I feel incredibly lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.  We ended the night by watching the end of the American Gladiators pilot, topped off with a Law and Order rerun for good measure.   Max peed in the litterbox.  It was a lovely birthday.  

I turned 27 years old.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?  Winning the lottery.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Three words: Rogue Casual Day.

32. What kept you sane?  My mom, Joel, and my sister-wife friends for always being there for me. 

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?  Edward Cullen, as portrayed by Robert Pattinson.  (This is different from Robert Pattinson himself, mind you.)
 
34. What political issue stirred you the most? This was the first time I really, really cared about the outcome of a presidential election (all the other times I’ve been ambivalent about both candidates), so there’s that.

35. Who did you miss?  Shadow.  It’s still strange going home to New Jersey and  remembering she’s not there anymore.

36. Who was the best new person you met?  I got to meet so many cool people this year, including Laurel, Stephanie, RA, Alynda, Heidi and NPW!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. Just do it (procrastination kills)!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.  Always thought I was a fool for no one/but oh baby I'm a fool for you (Supermassive Black Hole, Twilight soundtrack, SURPRISE!)

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Hope you all have a festive and safe holiday.  SEE YOU NEXT YEAR! (Sorry, I just can't resist saying that someone every.single.year.)

Not even a mouse

(Oh, yes. I sent these out.  There's no turning back now!)

("... and the stockings were hung by the chimney with care duct tape..")

(Max says the best thing about Christmas is the sweet, delicious tree water.)

Merry Christmas, Internet, from our cat-laden household to yours.   God bless us, everyone*!

*except the jerk who stole my Christmas lights.

Redemption

After a week off (extra time to catch up on some obscure Gilmore Girls reruns at the gym and re-read Eclipse and Midnight Sun), we returned to Pub Quiz last night.

As it turns out, the TWO losing teams got to pick the categories for this week's final round, which... I am pretty sure is a rule they made up when they saw the words "Lolcats" and "Twilight" on my list.   BUT ANYWAY, two of our categories did make the final round cut.

The first round was, again, a visual round... but this time, instead of Country Singers, we had to identify stills from Christmas Movies.   Needless to say, we got all five correct (last time we got ONE right, and that was a giveaway... I mean, I don't even LIKE Johnny Cash, but I still know what he looks like!)

That put us in a tie for first place.  Which was bad, very bad, because the method for breaking ties is a chugging contest.  If it were a chugging contest to see, say, who could pound an entire Nalgene bottle of water the fastest, that would be one thing.  But chugging beer... that's another thing entirely.   Joel argued that I should go, since i have far more experience chugging drinks... and I argued that he should go because I hate beer.  

Joel went.

ANYWAY.   We did reasonably well in the second and third general trivia rounds, and then we CLEANED UP during the fourth round, where you get to wager between 10-50 points on five different categories.   We wagered 50 points (the max) on Gilmore Girls, and 40 points on Comic Books and we both got the answers right in our respective areas of expertise.

That put us in second place going into the final round.  We wagered 50 of our 230 total points....

and....

DUDES, WE TOTALLY WON. 

Clearly we will never be going back again.  I like to go out on a high note. 

Now, here is the real question:Some of you dear readers expressed an interest in the formation of some sort of OPH trivia game... are you still interested in that, or should I spend my entire Christmas break reading Harry Potter instead?  Leave a comment or email me if you want to play, and I'll either start compiling questions and rules, or.... I'll queue up the Tivo and prepare to OD on backlogged episodes of Heroes.

In other news, there are now seven bulbs missing and the entire strand of lights is kaput.  But all I have to do is make it through one more half-day of work before embarking on a glorious four-day weekend... and it's a casual day.  Happy holidays, internet!  Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and a Happy Casual Day to each and every one of you. 

Happy fucking holidays

Even though I ponied up the extra cash for brand-name, officially sanctioned outdoor Christmas lights last year, we still had a problem with half the lights on the strand we hung on the window box going out periodically.   So I wasn't really surprised when half the strand went out again this year, but I was sad that the remedy I discovered last winter -- lifting the cover on the outdoor outlet and letting it slam down on the strand's plug -- no longer seemed to be working.   We mounted a more careful investigation and found that one of the bulbs was missing.

Huh, no big deal.  Some replacements came with the box.

Then I noticed there was more than one bulb missing.

More than two.

More than three.

Six of our bulbs are missing off of one strand of lights.  I put those lights up myself, and I am positive all the bulbs were in place at the time.  So, either the six bulbs entered into a suicide pact and jumped to their deaths on the cold, hard sidewalk, or.... someone fucking stole our Christmas lights.

Dear Christmas thief: you are officially on my shit list, along with the neighbor who refuses to make use of his designated, reserved parking space and the person who stole my tulips.

Monday mishmash

We met with two DJs and two photographers on Sunday, which I consider a rousing success just because 1. We made it to each location, 2. we weren't even late once, and 3. all the people we were supposed to meet with showed up.   I think that my recent experiences trying to find someone to fix our leaky roof have significantly lowered my expectations.  (Potential roofer #4 is supposed to be coming over tomorrow between noon and 4pm.  If he shows up and is not a total loon, I'll be more than satisfied.)

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I'm so glad we were able to cram all those appointments into one day, because I'd much rather spend one whole day doing wedding stuff than have to organize four weekends around different meetings.  But man, I was so exhausted on Sunday afternoon between appointments #3 and #4 that I fell asleep for an hour on the couch with my coat on and my earrings in.  The coat thing is not so strange, but I NEVER sleep with earrings in.  I was really wiped out. 

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So wiped out, in fact, that when I ran to the bathroom before we left for meeting #4, I forgot to re-buckle my belt.  I realized it was hanging, disheveled and loose, from my pants just before we walked into the Panera Bread to meet a photographer.   Joel hadn't noticed, but the cops sitting in the Dunkin Donuts next door might have.

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A war of passive-aggression has erupted over the changing of the two water cooler bottles in my office.  Normally I'm all for gender equality and pulling your own weight, but dudes.   Those 5-gallon Deer Park bottles are really heavy and the cooler apparatus is taller than my waist, and every time I try to change the bottle I end up either spilling water all over the nearby copier (not good) or getting my finger jammed between the cooler and the open bottle.  So I've just been  making sure I fill my bottle up before I leave the house in the morning and trying to pace myself to make it last through the day.  Those plastic Deer Park jugs are probably full of BPA, anyway.  

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Despite my scroogish tendencies, I have to admit that I love the way our house looks with its modest holiday decorations.  Instead of getting price-gouged again at the chop-your-own place, we got a perfectly lovely tree from the Home Depot this year.   And for less than the $75 we spent on that 2-foot Douglas fir, we got a 5-foot tree, a proper tree stand (instead of the potting container we used last year), and two wreaths for the outside of the house. 

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I ordered myself a new camera lens from Amazon a few weeks ago, and I've been kicking myself on a daily basis since then for not ordering a protective filter at the same time... especially since I've been using the new lens despite the recent rain and snow.  The first filter I ordered was the wrong size (my own fault) and the second one, which was the correct size, refused to cooperate with my lens cap.  Frustrated, I finally took the whole mess in to Ritz Camera on Sunday.  They not only let me in (even though I walked in just as they were closing) and listened to my stupid problem, but they also showed me why I didn't actually need a skylight filter and sold me a proper UV protective filter, instead.   Hopefully that had more to do with their high standards for customer service than the fact that my belt was hanging off my pants at the time.

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I mailed out my Christmas cards yesterday.  I'd like a prize, please.

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My Christmas cards this year feature a picture of Max on them.  Wearing his Santa suit.  I couldn't help myself.  I should be ashamed, I know.  But I'm not.

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I celebrated the 50-degree weather today by earing my new-ish corduroy skirt with a cute pair tights that I've had for at least a year, but have never worn before.  I'm sad that Mission: Put Together is over because the office is empty and there's no one here to appreciate my fashion efforts.  But I guess it's just as well, because I forgot to bring the camera, anyway.  Just so you know, the tights are brown argyle and they're adorable. 

Holiday spirit, south of the ol' Mason Dixon Line

Some cities like to put up a big tree and an ice skating rink for the holidays...

 

Here in Baltimore, we like to light up a monument in midtown and then celebrate with a somewhat terrifying pyrotechnic display in the middle of Mount Vernon.   Because nothing says "happy holidays" like a little fire and brimstone!

I'm pleasantly surprised that some of my pictures of this... uh, festive event actually turned out.  It was cold and raining steadily, the crowd was pushy and crowd-like and I hadn't used my camera in several weeks.  I thought to bring one of the tripods that my mom's friend bequeathed to me, but the lighter one I chose turned out to be way too short, and I wouldn't have been able to set it up in the crowd anyway.   Harumph.

 

(The monument, wired up but turned off.  An impatient crowd stands in the rain, rifling around in backpacks and purses to find a copy of the brochure because wasn't this thing supposed to start at 7pm?  What's going on?  Why can't we hear any of the speakers over here?)   

 

And finally, we have blastoff!  Uh... I mean, merry Christmas!

 

KABOOM!

 

(This part was actually sort of terrifying.  I was not using the zoom at all.  Have I mentioned I'm sort of scared of fireworks?)

 

Take note, cities of America.   We'll see your Macy's Thanksgiving Parade and raise you a few tons of explosives.  And that's how holiday spirit is done in the Greatest City in America.   

An abbreviated list

I am thankful for the wonderful, supportive family I was lucky to be born into.

I am thankful that I can end my sentences in prepositions here and there's no one to tell me I need to edit my work.

I am thankful for my friends, who are more like soulmates.  Although we're spread out geographically and don't get to see each other as often as we'd like, just knowing that I have friends who truly GET me is more than enough.

I am thankful that Max and Madison are both doing well for the time being.  (Well enough to drag our Thanksgiving bird carcass out of the trash last night, in fact!)

I am thankful that Henry returned to us, giving me the snuggle-happy kitten that I desperately wanted. 

I am incredibly thankful for the patient and understanding man who wants to marry me.

I'm thankful that Stephenie Meyer had a dream about vampires in 2003 and decided to write a book about it.

I am thankful for the Twilight movie soundtrack, which I am STILL not sick of.

I am thankful that in this scary economic climate, Joel and I both have jobs that pay us decent salaries.

After reading The Hunger Games and watching the 2-hour 24 special this weekend, I am thankful for my ridiculously comfortable and safe life, where there are no warlords snatching children from soccer fields and no one I love is at risk of becoming a District 12 tribute.

I am thankful for the good health I've enjoyed this past year.

I am thankful for reverse angle-in parking, which I think is helping the parking situation in our neighborhood.

I am thankful for the awesome new jeans I got this weekend for $30.

And internet friends, I'm thankful for you and this website.   I love having this space to vent my frustrations and organize my thoughts (and to blather about my love for Edward Cullen).  Thanks for sticking around!

Thanksgiving, observed

I'm not sure how it began, but over the past few years my family has developed a tradition of moving the traditional Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.  I think it sprung originally from my brother's angst at trying to find a way to make it to two Thanksgiving dinners on the same day - one at our mom's house, and the other with his fiance's family - but honestly, I can't remember.  It's possible that I just couldn't deal with the thought of battling holiday traffic on the NJ Turnpike and demanded we rearrange the calendar.  

I know that a lot of people would have trouble celebrating Thanksgiving on any date other than the "real" one, but I think moving the holidays is a stroke of sheer genius.  There's no seven-hour backup at the Delaware bridge toll.  There are no hurt feelings over missed holiday visits. And I get to celebrate the holidays with my family AND spend the long holiday weekends at home with my Tivo.

The first instance I can remember of us moving a holiday to suit our needs was Christmas of 2001.  I'd just returned from my semester abroad in Spain and my mom had booked us a family vacation to Hawaii.  The only catch: we were flying on Christmas Day.   Now, it's pretty hard to be upset about going to Hawaii in December, but we all felt a little bit sad about "missing" Christmas while we were stuck on a 12-hour flight.  That is, until my mom declared that we wouldn't be missing Christmas after all - we'd just be celebrating it a day late, on December 26th.  In  Honolulu.  

That was an emergency solution, but it's worked out so well that we've now started scheduling our own dates for Thanksgiving and Christmas whether there's a conflict or not.   We usually keep it pretty close to the real holiday (except for the time my mom moved her birthday from February to June so we could go hiking in Mohonk for her "birthday").  This year, the weekend before Thanksgiving seemed like a logical date to hold our own personal Turkey Day... until I remembered that, uh, I sort of already had plans on November 21st.   So... Thanksgiving is tomorrow for the OPH clan!   I've spent the week baking pies, and tomorrow we'll make what will hopefully be a short and traffic-free drive to my brother's house in NJ for a true holiday feast.   I can't wait.   At best, the holiday lovers among us get to celebrate Thanksgiving twice.  And at worst, those of us who are lacking a bit in the holiday spirit department will get to enjoy a four-day weekend at the end of November at home with nothing to do but watch an ungodly amount of television.  Win-win, if you ask me.

Christmas highlights

I'd like to thank Jesus for being born on a Tuesday this year, and also thank Michael for deciding to spend the next few months in Utah, prompting our family's early Christmas celebration.  Thanks to these two fine men, I had a lovely four-day weekend to relax and do a whole lot of nothing.

Actually, that's not true at all.  We did lots of stuff.  In somewhat chronological order, we:

• Enjoyed real, hearty breakfasts every day: pancakes, Trader Joe's sausages, bacon, eggs, cinnamon toast... mmmm.
• Exercised (two yoga classes and one good run for me, Krav Maga classes for Joel)
• Bought enough food to last us through a nuclear winter (It's been awhile since our last trip to Sam's Club.  We made up for it by buying enough meat and cereal to last us through to next Christmas)
• Bought even more food (because you just can't buy produce at Sam's.  So we had to go to the grocery store, too.  Naturally.)
• Picked out tentative paint colors for the bedroom (New Year's project: paint the bedroom.  Hopefully.  Now that the samples are up on the wall, neither of us are sure we like them.  I'm about at the point to just use them anyway, who cares if the ceiling color slightly resembles the color of poop, I JUST WANT TO BE DONE WITH THE PAINTING.)
• Cleaned the first floor thoroughly: I'm talking washed the floors, dusted, the whole shebang.  I even sewed up the seam that was coming undone on one of the throw pillowcases (thanks, Ikea, for the excellent craftsmanship!).  Why do I feel the need to take pictures of the house after I've cleaned really well?   I always want to preserve the memories of cleanliness and order for posterity. 
• Saw I Am Legend and National Treasure: Book of Secrets.  My Christmas gift to Joel: I agreed to do a "double feature".   We packed snacks and watched them back to back.  Without paying for the second one.  I usually resist doing this, not because I feel bad about ripping off the movie theater, but because I don't like to waste a whole weekend day in the movies.  But since this was a special 4-day weekend and there were actually two movies that I wanted to see playing, I consented.  It was fun.   I give both  movies a solid B+.
• Looked through recipe books and prepared a veritable Christmas Feast For Two (actually, it was more like a Feast for eleven or twelve.  We'll be eating delicious leftovers for awhile, and I mean that in the best way possible).
• Took a walk on Christmas day through the quiet, peaceful neighborhood.
• Saw the best Christmas window display EVER.
• Opened gifts on Christmas morning in our pajamas.  Even though we didn't get gifts for each other this year (hello, vacation), we did have stockings.  Three, to be exact.  One for Joel, one for me, and one for the cats.  The cats got a load of Christmas toys because their mommy is a crazy person who can't resist buying more toy mice that will invariably end up in the toy graveyard under the oven because these mice are different!  They're red and green and adorable!  (That particular mouse piqued Old Man Max's interest and is no longer with us.  RIP, Christmas mouse.  Sorry that Max ripped your intestines out).  Joel cheated and sneakily bought me several thoughtful stocking stuffers, including a yoga magazine and a box of my beloved Moose Munch.  I got him nothing because we said no presents! I am a bad person.
• I also made out with some good, low-key loot when we went to visit my family two weeks ago.   I got a Starbucks gift card, some adorable note cards (the supply of which I've already depleted considerably), and some supplies for our upcoming trip to Spain -- travel books and Airborne, since my mom is convinced that all my business travel is the root cause of my many colds this year (I'm pretty sure she's right; I got sick approximately once a decade before I started traveling for work).   I also got myself several threadless t-shirts, which I love.  Thanks, me!  You're the best!

So tell me, did you get anything good?  Besides the warmth in your heart that comes from celebrating a joyous holiday, of course.

Just pretend that you're reading this yesterday.

I fully intended to wish all of you internet people a very merry Christmas yesterday, but Santa didn't deliver the high-speed internet I asked for.  WTF, Santa?

(Video of Max patiently posing as Santa here)

I tried uploading some pictures over the dial-up, hoping that they'd actually appear thanks to some sort of Christmas miracle, but no such luck.  So just pretend that you're reading this yesterday.  Merry Christmas!

We spent yesterday cooking a delicious meal of pot roast, stuffing, roasted potatoes, sauteed spinach and dinner rolls.  And, of course, taking the requisite Christmas-morning-in-pajamas pictures.  I have no explanation for why Henry is acting like he is incapable of supporting the weight of his own head in this video; whenever put the antlers-hat on him he goes all limp.  It's almost like he doesn't like wearing them or something.

Henry the half-dead reindeer from Pink Herring on Vimeo.

But trust me, he is wishing you a very happy holiday. 

Holiday paparazzi

I don't want to get all grinchy on everyone this close to the actual holiday, but I am about to lose my shit.

Yesterday we had an office holiday party at a restaurant.  The office closed at 2pm and we all went to a nice Italian place.  Except, see, this was the Office Holiday Party #4, and to tell you the truth, I am all partied out.  The food was pretty bad.  I've made better eggplant parm myself.  The service was awful.  There were thirteen Christmas sweaters in attendance, and I'm not even including just plain red sweaters in that count.  Thirteen sweaters with sequined snowmen and three dimensional poinsettias.    

Then, this morning, my coworker (who told me earlier in the month that she was going to "hug the grinch out of me") shows up to the office with her camera.  To take everyone's picture.   When asked what the purpose of these pictures might be, she replied "it's just for me, don't you worry.  Just for me to have some photos of my coworkers for the holiday season".  Well, that really clears things up.  Of course, everyone wants photos of PEOPLE THEY SEE EVERY DAMN DAY. 

I am considering telling her that I am 1/32 Native American, and that it is therefore against my religion to have my soul captured on film.   That's true, actually, the 1/32 Native American part.  My mom wanted me to put it on college applications so I could play the minority card, except we don't know which tribe (tribe?  I am blocking the correct word here, and that's a shame because I have two Louise Erdrich books at home) we "belong to", so I thought it best to just check "white" and be done with it.   I guess I should hide all the pictures on my desk to make this excuse more plausible.

Or I guess I could just tell the truth: IT'S TOO DAMN EARLY FOR CAMERAS.  GO AWAY.

I think I need the four-day holiday weekend I have coming a little more than I realized. 

And now, on to more pleasant topics

Joel and I spent the weekend with my family in New Jersey, celebrating Christmas. I realize that Christmas is traditionally held on December 25th, but my baby brother packed up his car and started driving out to Utah on Sunday, so we decided to move Christmas up by a week and a half.  Jesus said he didn't mind. Despite the sleet and snow coming down on Sunday, Michael departed around 2pm and made it to Cleveland around 10pm. He is probably somewhere in the Chicago vicinity at this moment. He starts work at Snowbird on Thursday!   Let's all give my baby brother a hand for not inheriting the worry-wart gene and allowing his big sister to live vicariously through him while he does awesome things.

While Michael was driving west on Route 80, Joel and I were headed south on the NJ Turnpike with 100 pounds of cat litter in the back of Joel's truck. Navigating a cart filled with four 25-lb bags of cat litter to the checkout was probably the truest Crazy Cat Lady experience that I've had thus far, but we needed something to weigh the back of the truck down to provide optimal four-wheel snow driving conditions, and why shouldn't it be something we needed anyway? Unfortunately, what was billed as bona-fide Wintry Mix in New Jersey was nothing but a little bit of wind in Baltimore, so those last two bags were probably overkill.  But hey, I like to play it safe.  The way there were playing this storm up on the news, I was sure we'd have at least a foot of snow and a delayed opening this morning.  Is it bad that I check the forecast compulsively in the winter, and that when I see Wintry Mix, I get all happy inside? Wintry Mix is the key to work closings in Maryland. Come to mama, sleet/snow/rain!

In any case, I highly recommend having Christmas early. I think we should start doing this every year. We had a lovely weekend, there was no traffic despite the many inches of snow and freezing rain that fell, and now we are free to relax and hole up at home to enjoy two four-day weekends in a row. My plans include painting the bedroom, watching a lot of TV, and vacation planning. On somewhat of a whim, Joel and I booked a trip to Barcelona on Friday. We'll be going for a week in January. I am beyond excited.  Audrey, the internet's resident expert on all things Barcelona has already provided me with innumerable suggestions (thanks, Audrey!) and we have several books to peruse, but any suggestions ya'll have for Things Not To Be Missed are welcome. This is probably all I'll be talking about for the next month. Sorry.

Oh, and I finally joined Flickr.  I uploaded some random pictures.  Now what?

New Year's resolution #1: Make more friends.

The one thing that I unabashedly love about the holiday season is holiday cards.  I love to write things longhand.  With a pen.  I love cute paper products.  I love addressing the envelopes and I love picking out fun holiday stamps at the post office.   I love getting holiday cards too, but not half as much I as enjoy writing and sending them.  It's a compulsion, and I love it.

I know that many people think of Writing Christmas Cards as just another item on the never-ending holiday to-do list.  I am not one of those people.  If I know you, you are getting a holiday card from me.  Please do not feel obligated to send me one in return if that's not your bag, baby.  Just send me your address so I can assault you with my mailz.

I found some supercute, super CHEAP cards at Walmart this weekend ($3 for 20 cards!) (I know that this should not be such a shock, but I seriously never go to Walmart.  Especially not around Christmas time.  The crowds, they scare me).  So now here's my problem.  I don't know enough people to send twenty cards to.   So would any of you lovely internet peoples like a (purple) card?   Please?

If you all say no, Holiday Santa Max will have a bone to pick with you.

moar funny pictures

Ah, ICHC.  You will never get old.

Thy leaves are so EXPENSIVE

Execution of an innocent tree from Pink Herring on Vimeo.

So, we got a Christmas tree.   Joel was adamant that, if we did indeed get a tree, it must: 1. Be a real tree, and 2. Be cut down by us. Joel is a bit of a Christmas tree snob, as it turns out, and he looked at the people who were dragging out a huge tree as we walked in with pity in his eyes.  "I don't know why people get White Pines," he said.  "They're not even Christmas trees."

"It looks like a Christmas tree to me... and it has floppy needles, so you don't get stabbed.  Seems pretty smart if you ask m--"

"No.  That's not a Christmas tree."

Ohhhhkay.

So apparently, according to experts, the only true Christmas tree is a Douglas fir.  They all look like pine trees to me, but what do I know?   I'm just the holiday grinch from New Jersey.

We wandered around the "farm" for awhile, looking at the smaller trees.  I really wanted to get the most pathetic-looking tree we could find, because wouldn't that be funny?  Plus, I felt bad for those poor Charlie Brown trees that no one wanted.  Who would give them a home?  Maybe I can sneak back at night and put a few decorations on them.  Maybe I can just put them in my purse and take them home and adopt them.

Anyway, NO.  Joel was not having any of that.  After not too long, we settled on a healthy looking little tree that passed all of Joel's inspections (although he did note that it had some dead needles toward the center, hmmm, that's not a good sign).  Joel sawed it down, which took far less time than I thought it would -- for some reason I thought "chopping down a tree" would be a little more ceremonious than a few swipes with our handsaw -- and we dragged our prize up to the gate to pay.

So, there were no prices posted at this Christmas tree farm.  I guess that should have set off warning bells in my cynical brain, but I sort of figured that it was a Christmas tree farm and so in the spirit of Christmas everyone had to be kind and fair and love one another.  I wasn't really paying attention to the practical aspects of Christmas tree procurement.   Plus, Joel had told me that this place had some free-roaming, real live reindeer, and I wanted to pet them, okay?  (Turns out that was a different place, a different place THAT WE WILL BE GOING TO NEXT YEAR). 

We got up to the gate with our tiny little tree, and the lady said -- and I quote: "Oh, I hate to do this to you sweetie.  But that tree is going to cost you seventy-five dollars."

EXCUSE ME????

"That's a Douglas fir", she continued (I KNEW THAT! DOUGLAS FIRS ARE THE ONLY REAL CHRISTMAS TREES! I WAS PAYING ATTENTION!) "and Douglas firs start at $75.  I really hate to charge you that, but there's nothing I can do."

Joel and I were both dumbfounded, but since we had already cut the tree down, there wasn't really anything we could do.  Since we certainly did not have $75 in cash on us, I had to write the lady a check.  Something about the fact that she had me make the check out to her, and that she shoved a pen in my face before I could even say "no thanks, I have a pen in my bag" makes me think that she could have, in fact, done something about the outrageous price tag.   

Just in case you missed it, THE TREE COST SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS.

We put the tree in the trunk of my Jetta (which just felt sort of wrong, but I didn't think Joel would go for buckling it into the passenger seat while he rode in the back), and drove to the mall so I could check out the Ann Taylor Loft sales.  They were playing a particularly irritating Christmas song, and an ATL employee looked me dead in the eye while I was browsing the shoes and said "I am going to kill myself before Christmas if I have to listen to this song one more time."  AMEN.  That is just one more reason why I love ATL with all my heart.

On our way home from the mall, we stopped at Walmart to get a replacement bulb for my car, because surprise of surprises, I have ANOTHER taillight out.   As we stood with the trunk open trying to install the new bulb, a little girl walked by with her parents.  She pointed at our trunk and exclaimed "THAT'S A REALLY SMALL TREE!"

I wanted to yell after her, DON'T TALK ABOUT MY SEVENTY FIVE DOLLAR TREE LIKE THAT!, but I just burst out laughing.  Yes, yes it is.  It's a very small tree.

But it's our tree.  And no one talks smack about our tree.

Thy leaves are so unchanging

Ah, Christmas trees.  Who doesn't love a Christmas tree, right?

Um...  me.

I think that people are supposed to have joyous memories of sitting around the Christmas tree, inhaling the deep pine scent, sipping hot apple cider  and singing carols while simultaneously baking cookies.  or something.

My Christmas tree memories are more like this:  The calendar flips to December.  Christmas decorations start going up around the neighborhood.  My mom decides it's time to put up the tree and tells us to go up in the attic and bring down the tree. 

Dude, the attic is cold.  The stairs are steep.  Plus, there are ghosts up there.   You think I'm joking, but THE GHOSTS ARE REAL.   As real as the monsters in the basement, anyway.

The tree box is heavy and requires quite a bit of maneuvering to bring down.  And then we have to set it up.  More work.  Sigh.

THEN, we have to go get the decorations down from the attic and put every single one on the tree.  I'm pretty sure this constitutes more work. 

And then a few weeks later, we had to do the whole process in reverse and put everything back up in the attic!  Which is still cold and full of ghosts! MORE WORK.  SIGH.

I really never got the whole point of having a Christmas tree.  We had a whole row of pine trees outside in the yard, and I would have been plenty happy to slap a bow on the trunk of one of them and call it The Christmas Tree, thus saving ourselves a load of work.  I understand some people find sentimental value in the temporary presence of a tree in the house during December.   I am not one of those people, as I am lazy and have a heart made from coal.  But you know who is one of those people?  My boyfriend.

It kills Joel a little bit every year that we do not have a tree.  I have many items on the CONS OF GETTING A CHRISTMAS TREE list, which I pull out every year: 

1. There is no point.
2. We have cats.
3. Our cats like to destroy things.
4. We already have a Christmas tree.  Six of them.
5. I don't feel like cleaning up the needles.
6. If we get a fake tree, where is it going to go for the rest of the year? 
7. Don't even say in the basement  unless you are going to be the one putting it down there.  And the one who brings it up next year.  And the one checking for ghosts. And then cleaning the kitchen floor.  Have I mentioned our basement is partial and the floor is made of dirt? 
8. We have like three decorations to put on this tree, and I'm not even sure where they are. 
9. Where is this tree going to go, anyway? 
10. Have I mentioned there is no point? 
11. And the cats?  Who are probably swinging from the branches of the poor hibicus tree at this very moment?

The PROS OF GETTING A CHRISTMAS TREE list goes something like this:

1. It's just not Christmas without a tree.

Lord help me, I think we are getting a tree this year. 

A belated Thanksgiving post

Thanksgiving kicks ass.  Thanksgiving means two extra days off from work, spending time with your family and friends, and, of course, great food.  It's that last part that used to kick my anxiety into overdrive when anorexia ruled  my life.  I am incredibly thankful that I am able to enjoy Thanksgiving for what it is, instead of dreading it and spending all my time trying to figure out how I can make it through the weekend without anyone noticing that I'm not eating.

The holidays are a stressful time for many people.  There's the gift-buying, the travel, the company, and the relatives.  For people with an eating disorder, this is all compounded by the abundance of food and the pressure to eat.   Food messages are everywhere during the holidays.  Starbucks is selling pumpkin pie in a cup.  Stores windows are graced by gingerbread house displays.  People everywhere are talking about what they're going to cook and eat.  And on January 2nd, the weight loss industry will spring into overdrive.  It's hard for everyone, but it's murder for someone with an eating disorder.   

I am so very thankful to have left that behind me.   My heart goes out to the many, many people who are suffering with anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating, or any combination of that trifecta this year.

I am also thankful that my family shares my views on the holidays: they should be fun, not stressful.

I am thankful that there was virtually no traffic on I-95 this weekend.

I am thankful that after perusing all the Black Friday ads, Joel decreed that we did not need to go Black Friday shopping this year.

I am thankful that at least Joel's apple pie turned out well.  (Mine was a little... crispy.   I cannot read instructions.   "Wrap crust in foil halfway through baking time" does not equal "wrap crust in foil after pie is baked", apparently.)

I am thankful that the pie with blackened edges still tastes fine.

I am thankful that I am able to enjoy it.

And I am thankful to you, dear internet friends, for indulging my Thanksgiving post four full days after Turkey Day.   I hope you all had a wonderful holiday (and for the non-Americans out there, I hope you had a lovely weekend)!

Just in time for Black Friday

It's that time of the year again.  The time when the whole world goes insane.

I don't do holiday shopping.  I can't.  I can shop with the best of them when I'm in the mood.  I can spend hours perusing the grocery store!  And don't even get me started on the time warp that is Home Depot.  Or Petco.   I can kill an afternoon looking at the different types of cat food.  But going near a mall any time after October 31st is just not in the cards for me.

I hate crowds.  I hate crazed shoppers.  And I hate what the holiday season does to people.

Case in point:  Yesterday I decided that my task for the day would be to leave the house, ending my weekend-long quarantine.  I dropped Joel off at his gym and set out to hit the Home Depot and Barnes and Noble.   Home Depot was bursting at the seams with holiday spirit, but since I got what I needed (six Alberta spruces, two sets of lights and a partridge in a pear tree and a refill canister of propane) with absolutely no hassle -- not even from the automatic propane cage system! -- I have no complaint to register with the home improvement overlords.  Barnes and Noble, however, has apparently been hit early by the spirit of Christmas Stress.

I had a 20% off coupon and I was really only looking for one book.  The last time I used a single item coupon, they were kind (or absent-minded) enough to apply the discount to my entire purchase, so I figured why not try my luck again?  I'll just pick up a few more books I've been meaning to read, and if they don't give me 20% off, well then shucks.  I guess I'll just have two more books to read. 

The line to checkout was long and slow-moving.  People were irritated.  Eye-rolling, sighing, making friends with strangers in the line to complain about how ridiculous this is, you'd think with it being the holidays they'd hire some more help, goodness, don't they know anything about retail? 

Then another woman stormed over and marched right up to the counter.  Before anyone could politely remind her that THERE'S A LINE HERE LADY, DON'T BE TRYIN' TO CUT (trust me, they were all thinking it) she yelled at the cashier "IF NO ONE IS GOING TO ANSWER THAT PHONE, JUST PICK IT UP AND HANG IT UP FOR CHRISTSAKE!  ITS DRIVING EVERYONE IN THE STORE CRAZY"

And everyone looked at each other and said "Wha??"  And then, listening very closely, we could hear it.  There was a phone ringing, gently.  Almost inaudibly.  And I guess that is all it takes to make people snap around this time of year.   When the irate woman came over to stand in the line, she loudly grumbled about how she was going to report them [to the phone police?] because these people need to change a few things around here and the first is ATTITUDE.

People, it is not even Thanksgiving.  It is too early for this level of stress to exist.

This is why I don't holiday shop.  I just don't see the point.  (And thankfully, my family and friends agree -- or at least pretend to agree to indulge me).  Everyone gets stressed out running around spending money, trying to find the perfect gift for everyone they know.  I enjoy giving gifts as much as the next person, but I HATE being pressured to find a gift for everyone at the same time.  When everyone else in the world is also out shopping.  And in grumpy moods. 

Back in high school, my friends and I decided to declare a gift-giving truce one year, and in lieu of presents we'd go into New York one day in December and go out for dinner.  It morphed into a yearly tradition that lasted through college, and it was so much fun every year.  Sadly, the tradition is now dead since several parents have moved and many of us don't come back to New Jersey for Christmas, but still.  It was FAR better than exchanging picture frames and Body Shop gift baskets.  My brothers and I soon subscribed to the same gift moratorium philosophy with each other.  And then we extended it to birthdays, because really?  Do I want my little brother stressing over what to get me for my twenty-seventh birthday?  (The answer is no, I don't.)  Instead, we decided that a card and a phone call are more than sufficient sibling gifts.   Joel and I don't do Christmas gifts for each other, either.  We do usually do birthday gifts, and since his birthday is the first week of December and mine is the first week of January, THAT IS PLENTY.  I don't need to be coming up with TWO gifts for him in one month.  There are only so many DVD box sets in the world.

And that leaves the office.  My office is officially out of control with Ye Ole Holiday Spirit.  So I had to go ahead and opt out of that nonsense too. 

So my holiday shopping list is 1. Mom, 2. Daddy.  My mom will give us several ideas as to what she would like (mom?  ideas?), as she does every year, and my brothers will buy a round of golf for my dad and that will be that.  Done. 

Honestly, I don't know how people handle the holidays any other way.  I love gift-giving.  I love seeing something that I know someone would love and buying it for them.  Holiday shopping ruins that for me, because I feel like I either need to save it until Christmas (that's no fun, I'm impatient!) or not get it because I'll just have to get them a Christmas gift too (I'm not made of money!).   Just thinking about it stresses me out.  And because of this, I've been labeled as The Holiday Grinch around the office. 

And you know what?  Me and my six Alberta Spruces are OK with that.

Getting into the spirit

I feel that there may be misconceptions floating around; rumors being spread.  People may be thinking that I am a pure and evil grinch.  This is just untrue.

See for yourself.  Me and my two brothers can tear it up with the best of 'em.

Also, I'd like everyone to know that this weekend, despite being deathly ill, I managed to purchase not just one measly Christmas tree, but SIX!  So what if they're all going to live in the planter box outside of our house?  They're still trees of the evergreen variety.  And I even got lights to put on them.   If that's not a freaking Christmas tree, I don't know what is.

Holiday shopping, however, is still on my No Fly list.