Well, here I am. I survived the weekend. Looking back, I am really not sure what I was so panicked about, but you know how that is. Or maybe you don't because you're not an anxiety-prone person who works themselves into a lather at the thought of not having a full weekend day to zone out on the couch. Lucky you.
Things went pretty well overall, if anyone cares. I survived the entire 18 hours of yoga training and my teaching portion went really well. No prize dropped from the ceiling as a reward when I walked out the door on Sunday at 4pm, but I'm sure that was just an oversight and a big box of chocolate covered something is on its way. The flea market was a pretty good success, despite the fucking RAIN that would not stop raining down from the rain-filled sky the entire day. And my friend and her boyfriend ended up not coming to town and staying with us. Which was probably best. For their own safety. I spent a good hour and a half cleaning up and putting shit away last night after work and the place STILL looks like a post-yard sale disaster. I had to leave the back door open all last night just to vent out the nasty smell that has somehow invaded the house. Henry the Cat chose to lounge on the deck next to the compost bin rather than in the house, if that tells you anything. I'm going to stop talking about this now.
Now that it's glaringly obvious that I am quite pregnant, a lot of my fellow teacher trainees have been politely asking if I knew I was pregnant when I enrolled in this training. The answer is kind of complicated. When I registered and paid my non-refundable deposit in November, I was not pregnant. Shortly afterwards I got my PCOS diagnosis and we started to very seriously think about trying to get pregnant sooner rather than later. I obviously realized that with the training running from February-September, there was a possibility that I would (hopefully) have to complete some portion of it while pregnant. I looked at it as betting on both sides: if we were able to get pregnant, hooray! And if we couldn't get pregnant, well... at least I'd be able to complete the training! Which, by the way, I'd been meaning to do for years, but there was always something in the way. I was working full time and going to grad school and didn't have time. I was travelling too much for work. I was planning a wedding. I just felt like if I put it off another year it was just never going to happen. So we plowed ahead on both tracks.
And then by the beginning of January, we realized that hooray and holy shit, I was pregnant. For real. With a baby. I emailed the studio owner who runs the training to see if I was even able to still do the training, which is pretty intense, while pregnant. She said it was totally up to me. I wouldn't be the first person to do go through some of the training pregnant (although I've since found out that I will be something like the third, and that I will be the first to do the ENTIRE thing pregnant), but they would refund my deposit if I wanted to drop out at that point. The thing was, I needed to decide right away so they could fill my space before the training started in February. If I started and then couldn't make it through, I'd be getting zero refund. This thing is pretty expensive. She did graciously offer that if I had to drop out, I could make up what I missed in a future year's training at no charge... but we really, REALLY hope to not live in Baltimore at that point. So I'm not considering that as an option.
Obviously, I decided to go ahead with it. At that time, way back in January, the pregnancy seemed so tenuous and incredible that it felt like I'd be tempting fate to make any sort of life alterations around it. And now here I am, halfway done with the pregnancy and halfway done with the training. So far, so good! The training ends on September 11th. I am due on September 13th. The closer we get, the more ridiculous it seems that I thought cutting it so close was a feasable option. But really, I didn't have much of a choice.Hopefully the baby stays in until its due date. Hey, my mom had all three of her children on her exact due date! It could happen. And we're allowed to miss one day of the training, which I am obviously saving for that last day in case the baby is two days early. Maybe I'll be the first person to go into labor during this thing. At least I'll be surrounded by a pretty competent bunch, which includes two nurses and a gaggle of doulas and midwives. I'm trying not to worry about it, and to just take it one week at a time. Right now I can still do both. If I reach a point where I can't any more, I'll figure something out.
You may have noticed that I'm still calling it "the baby". Not "him" or "her". That's because we're not finding out the sex. As an impatient person who doesn't really like surprises, trust me, I know. But Joel really, really wants it to be a surprise on the day of the birth and he's a pretty good guy so he gets his way on this. I'm actually very OK with it. What's another 20 weeks of not knowing in the grand scheme of life? Sorry to disappoint those of you who've asked, though. You'll know when we know!
I have absolutely no feeling one way or the other. I had one dream that the doctor accidentally let it slip that it was a girl. So maybe it's a girl. Then again, I have about five girl names that I really like and no boy names that I'm absolutely in love with, so it's probably a boy. Place your bets!