Remember that episode of Sex and the City, somewhere in Season 5 or 6, when Carrie realizes she's truly over Mr. Big because she can delete his phone messages without even listening to them, instead of saving them and analyzing every word?
I reached that point this morning. I am officially over JCrew.
My sordid affair with JCrew.com started in high school. They'd offer great deals. I fit in their sizes. Free shipping if you spent over $75 and easy returns in store. Everything was great. I was in love.
But slowly, our relationship started to go downhill. At first it was little things -- you had to spend $100 in order to qualify for free shipping, and then $125. It wasn't that big of a deal, since you could still just order something expensive that you had no intention of keeping and return it to the store.
Then the deals you could get online started to sour. There'd only be awful colors and XXXL sizes available, or it would only be off-season clothes. When I needed to update my wardrobe, JCrew just wasn't there for me.
And then I --ahem -- might have gained a few pounds. And instead of being supportive, JCrew no longer wanted to be seen with me. I had to resort to having my "clearance" pants hemmed at $12 a pop, because apparently, if you're not fitting in petite sizes, you're supposed to be at least 5'9''.
Then one day, there appeared jackets that cost $650 -- excuse me? $650 for JCrew? Unless that cashmere came from a walking, talking sheep, $650 seems a little arrogant. Who did they think they were? It wasn't the price that was the real problem, but the attitude.
And then there came the deal breaker. "Clearance" became "Final Sale." That is to say, no more returns on sale items. Even if it doesn't fit. Or it wasn't what you were expecting. Or, shockingly, if the impossibly skinny, elegantly tall, perfectly tanned, suspiciously happy and care-free model looked a hell of a lot better in those pants than you do. You either had to pony up the shipping costs, or order $125 worth of stuff and just hope that everything fit and that "peony" pants would look as cute on you as they did online.
I allowd myself to be burned a few times. I had my heart set on cute sweater that was on sale, and then just as I was about to enter my credit card number, it added on $15 for shipping and tax. By that point I really wanted the sweater, so I ordered it anyway. Another time, I assumed that pants that were the same style and same size would fit the same, only to be unpleasantly surprised and stuck with the "No returns on final sale items" policy.
Well, I've had enough of this relationship. Instead of being drawn in by their tempting email, promising Free Shipping* on the New Spring Must-Haves, I just hit delete. I didn't even open it. JCrew and I have officially broken up, and I am so over it.
If I get an invitation tomorrow to a "Business Wear Meets Christmas Present" costume contest, I'm going to have to eat my words.
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