You know, I like to think of myself as a television connoisseur. I will admit, I watch way too much TV. But I have a very discriminating eye.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!1!!1, you're thinking. Because I have previously admitted to watching Seventh Heaven. But I watch Seventh Heaven for a reason: It's a great way to build up rage, scream at the television, and then the anger is gone. And thus, you don't have to choke the nice man, the one who ogles you on the way to work every single goddamned day and makes disgusting comments after you've walked by, to death.* As Dr. Phil would say, it's a constructive outlet for my anger. At least, that's what I think he would say, but I wouldn't know because I would rather stick my entire head into the cats' litterbox -- after a weekend when I've been away somewhere and Joel has "forgotten to clean it out" for 3 days -- than actually listen to anything that Phil McGraw, PhD, has to say. Maybe it's the fact that his surname is the same as that horrific country singer's. Maybe it's the fact that I was once forced to watch a Dr Phil episode in my family's living room, with my mother and both of my brothers, and that the topic of this particular segment was fellatio. Whatever. The point is, I actually do have a modicum of taste. Or so I like to tell myself.
So, here I am, sitting in my hotel room, watching ER. I'm watching ER because for some reason, this very swanky hotel which gets HBO and Showtime, only gets 4 other channels and they're all playing sports. Now, I haven't watched ER in quite awhile. Probably not since high school. Because in college, I discovered Law and Order, which is playing on at least two channels between the hours of 5-10pm. And then, along came Netflix. And also... I am more than a little bit queasy at the sight of blood. I suck it up for Nip/Tuck, but that's totally different because Nip/Tuck more than makes up for it by frequently showcasing Julian McMahon's naked butt.
The point is, I used to like ER. I used to think it was a "good show." So I am struggling to explain why, in the 15 minutes I've been watching, there has been a completely idiotic "heartwrenching" scene with an old guy who refuses to take his heart medication, but then gets chauffeured into a helicopter for a heart transplant at the "Mayo clinic", followed by a helicopter crash. Which was caused by terrorists? I am not sure. But it seems a little overly dramatic. Please keep in mind that I admitted earlier that I love the soap opera called Passions. And still, this episode was inciting the "oh, COME ON!" reflex.
And then, wait, is that UNCLE JESSIE? Oh my god, yes it is. Uncle Jessie, what are you doing on ER?? Did "Jake in Progress" get canceled already? Were you unhinged over the fact that your ex wife is appearing in another blockbuster film covered in nothing but a thin layer of blue paint?
I'm sorry. But there are limits to how far I can stretch my imagination, and seeing Uncle Jessie in a paramedics outfit, hitting on the Indian/British chick (and didn't she use to be a DOCTOR?) is far beyond them.
I'm going to sleep.
*And also, it cracks me up every single time I see Ashlie Simpson trying to act. And now! Haylie Duff!!! I LOVE Hilary Duff!! But that will not stop me from mocking her older, less pretty, sister!
Oy. Yes. This is sort of why I don't watch much tv anymore!
Posted by: Lisa B | Monday, June 05, 2006 at 03:44 AM