Sleep, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

I've written about my recurring insomnia before... in fact, I think one of my first posts ever was about how I hadn't slept in days.  But it's been a while since I've felt the need to cry on the internet about how tiiiired I am and how much I just want to sleeeep and how I actually resent my cats because they can just sleep whenever they want to, all day everyday, and they never have to sit in front of a computer chugging coffee all day, hoping that tonight they'd be able to actually FALL ASLEEP.  I'm happy I've avoided that for some time, because HOLY GOD WOMAN, get a grip.  There are worse problems in the world.  Plus, it always seems easier to minimize a problem when it seems to have gone away.

For some reason, I couldn't sleep on Saturday night.  I get what I call "the itchies" sometimes, and that's usually one of the indicators that I'm not going to be falling asleep that night.  You know the feeling you get if there is a loose hair on your skin, how that feeling of an invisible force touching your skin is absolutely intolerable, although not at all painful? (Oh please, you all know there are hairs floating around your house, NO ONE vacuums every day). (Or every week). (Or every month).  That's what The Itchies feel like.  All over my body.  And if you're thinking that The Itchies sounds like a toddler's television show starring maggots and earthworms, I'd like you to know that I very much agree, but you try coming up with a better name when you haven't slept in three days and your boyfriend asks you why you are thrashing around in the bed like that.  The Itchies.  They'll kill you, man.  Once I get them, it's all over.  I could take enough benadryl to knock out an elephant, and still not be able to fall asleep.  Trust me, I've tried it.

I've learned to deal with insomnia, and that's a good thing, because it used to involve a lot of crying on my part.  First of all, can you imagine how boring it is to lie in bed, in the dark, waiting to fall asleep for 3 or 4 hours?  After the boredom becomes intolerable, I move on to frustration and tears over WHY CAN'T I FALL ASLEEP?  JOEL HAS BEEN SLEEPING FOR 4 HOURS.  THE CATS ARE SLEEPING.  THE WHOLE WORLD IS SLEEPING AND I'M SOOOO TIRED AND I WANT TO SLEEP TOO, WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! 

Joel is always very kind to me when I can't sleep, which is one of the reasons I love him so much.  He is able to take the information that I haven't slept, and see that as the reason that I'm being a whiny bitch the following day.  He's able to say "why don't you go and get some coffee and we'll talk about this later" when I'm getting ready to throw a tantrum over his placement of the remote control on glass part of the new coffe table when I TOLD HIM NOT TO PUT IT THERE OMG WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME YOU DON'T REALLY LOVE ME.  This amazes me.  It's so... mature.  Now, that's how a 26-year-old should act.  In fact, he often makes the coffe himself and then presents it to me, like an offering to the volcano goddess who is about to explode and bring destruction and misery down upon the peasants who have displeased her by not sacrificing enough goats and virgins during the last full moon.

I take over the counter sleeping aids every night, and for the past several months, that's been enough to keep me insomnia free.  And then my body caught on to that trick, and they stopped working on Saturday night.  And Sunday night.

I really should call my doctor and make an appointment to get on some sort of prescription sleep aid, since the OTC drugs don't really work anymore.  But for some reason, I just don't want to.  I've been meaning to do this for years, but I still haven't gotten around to picking up that phone and making an appointment.   I don't relish the idea of being on another drug for... how long?  Forever?   I'm already on several prescriptions for the adult acne I've been blessed with, and although they have worked miracles (I haven't had a zit since I started on them), I just hate being on so many drugs.  It makes me fear for my 80 year old self.  It makes me worry about what I'll do if I don't have insurance for some reason.  It's ridiculous, but I just don't want to get on a Rx sleep aid.

I think it's time to buck up and just do it. For I slept last night, and it was glorious.  I would like to feel that good every day, even if it does mean another pill every night.

Happy Tuesday, internet.  Hope you all got a great night's sleep.

Comments

[Isabel]

I tried to comment...and it ate it.

[Kirsten]

I think you passed on your insomnia to me last night! I was so exhausted and couldnt sleep. Ok..well.technically I guess i "slept" but I woke up almost every hour! I just took a nap in the womens' bathroom here at work which helped a little alhtough i never really fell asleep..just rested. What's your email address? will you email me?

[lizzy]

ever try melatonin? Its OTC but its what all my 'crazy' horse-riding ranchmates took :)

[Carolyn J.]

I also get the Itchies at night sometimes. For me it's PMS-related...like the Itchies and the Bitchies!

[Kirsten]

Just so everyone knows. there IS a couch in the women's bathroom here at work! :) i wasn't taking a nap on the toilet or anything! :) hehe

[janet]

my SIL struggles with this too. She takes Lunesta, and the docs swear it's non habit forming. Either way, I hope it gets better :(