I'm in Chicago today and tomorrow for work, and although I forgot my laptop charger I wanted to use my last minutes of battery power to share some wisdom my cabbie imparted on the way from Midway to my hotel.
It seems that on December 21, 2012, the earth is going come into alignment with the galactic plane. This, among other things, is going to cause a disruption in the earth's magnetic field, which in turn is going to cause all the tall buildings in metropolitan areas to fall down. So... I guess we should all stay away from buildings on that day. Mark your calendars!
Oh, also - global warming is all just part of the natural cycle of the universe. We'll reach the peak of the warming phase in 5-10 years (approximately), but it may continue to warm up for another 3,000 years (or so) before the earth begins cooling and we enter the next ice age. So, if you're one of the lucky few to survive the great magnet disaster, watch out for that.
Last, but not least, he told me the cure for Alzheimer's Disease - it's a combination of three simple vitamins: K, C, and... he couldn't remember the third one. Unfortunately, he didn't see the humor there. Instead, he just recommended that I take a multivitamin every day, to make sure all my bases were covered.
I was going to try to work out before my meetings this afternoon, but since the world is coming to an end in four years, I think I'll just sit here and watch Seventh Heaven reruns instead. I'll pop a few Centrums when I get home to make up for it.
Although I've been to Vermont several times before (twice with Joel and at least once with my family), this was my first time visiting the Green Mountain State in the summer. It was like a whole different state, and I felt like I was seeing everything for the first time. Sure, it was beautiful and white and snowy in the winter, but it was also COLDCOLDCOLDCOLD. Beyond cold. Cold makes for great skiing, but it also makes for me being extremely unhappy. I could not get over how gorgeous Vermont is in the summertime - there are wildflowers everywhere, the mountains the background are covered as far as the eye can see in greenery, and the wildflowers... seriously, they are EVERYWHERE.
We landed in Burlington on Saturday afternoon, and all I could think about at that moment was getting some hand lotion. I'd forgotten put any in my purse, and after two hours of dry airplane air, I was DYING. I could not wait for our checked bag to arrive so I could get some out of my toiletries kit, no. "I need to find a Body Shop the second we get off this plane so I can get some hand lotion out of one of their testers," I told Joel. "Uhhh... I'm not sure if there are any Body Shops in this airport," he told me. Nonsense! There is at least one Body Shop in EVERY airport, I thought. I have seen quite a few airports, and trust me - this is not the first time I've forgotten to pack any hand lotion. I know where to get some free moisturizer in a pinch, don't you worry.
Yeah, there were no Body Shops. There wasn't even a food court. Nor was there a separate arrival and departure gate. There were no cops hovering curbside, ready to issue tickets to anyone who dared to turn off their ignition while unloading the car. I realized we were not in Kansas anymore. And then I realized that I actually had packed some lotion in my purse.
We had lunch in Burlington with my friend Sarah, who has just moved to Vermont to be a real live doctor, and then we headed off in our rental minivan (we'd requested a compact car, but the BVT Thrifty had all of three available cars, so we happily took the minivan, Massachusetts plates and all). Joel decided to take the scenic route so I could enjoy the beautiful views. I promptly fell asleep and woke up in the driveway at his parents' house. What, all that hand-lotion searching had me exhausted.
We spent the rest of the week with his family near Stowe. I wanted to do something "Vermonty" every single day, and I think I succeeded.
We drove out to Cabot, VT and visited the place where Cabot cheese is made. We didn't get to see all that much since it was a Sunday and therefore the actual factory was closed, but we did get to eat our weight in free samples. Joel warned me that Vermont's version of "sharp" might be a little ahem, stronger than I was used to, and that it might not be a good idea for me to shovel the entire bowl of "Seriously Sharp" samples into my piehole, but I was starving so I didn't listen. Oh. My. Gah. Not only was that shit SHARP, it was the most delicious cheese I've ever tasted in my life. We brought two two-pound bricks home with us. Four pounds of deliciously sharp cheddar. I cannot wait until our stupid Safeway brand cheddar is all used up so I can bite into those babies.
Day 3: We were outdoorsy
My mom is going to be so proud when she reads this: WE DID TWO HIKES IN ONE DAY.
First, we went to see Moss Glen Falls, which wasn't a very long hike, but it was a hike nonetheless. I took lots of pictures of flowers and berries and fungi and general greenery, and then we hopped into the Massachusetts minivan and drove to Smuggler's Notch, where we did a very long, very steep hike and saw more trees, moreflowers, more water and a whole bunch of very, very green mountains.
On the way home, we got a "creamy", which is pretty much a soft ice cream cone, only better. Because it's called a "creamy". Or "creemy", "creamie", or "creemie", depending on the preference of whoever made the sign.
Day 4: We went canoing
We rented a canoe, threw it on top of our Massachusetts minivan, and drove out to the local reservoir to paddle around for the afternoon. We saw multiple beaver lodges, a couple of loonsand a dude kayaking with his dog.
After dinner, Joel suggested that we take the canoe out on the river, and well... the sun was setting on one side, the full moon was out on the other and I didn't have to paddle at all because the river just took us along (and Joel steered). Now, THAT'S the way to canoe.
Since it was twilight there were tons out animals out and about, and we saw: two beavers swimming, a mama duck with twelve ducklings, several small sandpiper-type birds, another loon, and a gigantic owl. I managed to get exactly none of them on film. Oh, well.
Day 5: I shot a gun
Now, I am not a fan of guns. Up until last week, I'd never held one in my hand, let alone shot one - and that was perfectly fine with me. But Joel really wanted to take me a-shootin', so after a quick lesson and some practice shooting at cansin the backyard, we piled into the Massachusetts minivan and drove out to the local gravel pit. (Which, incidentally, was surrounded by MORE GORGEOUS SCENERY. God, Vermont, give it a break one in awhile).
Not only was shooting more fun than I'd anticipated, but I was actually a pretty decent shot! Now that I come to think about it, that's probably why it was kind of fun.
Not to worry, though. I only shot at paper targets, and I practically threw myself in front of an adorable little woodchuck (who has been destroying the family's garden all summer) to keep Joel from shooting at it.
Day 6: We went to the Ben and Jerry's factory
Enough said.
That evening, we went out to see the sunset. I took onemillionpictures, naturally.
I could really get to liking Vermont, if only it didn't get so damn cold in the winter.
Day 7: We went Champ-watching
On our last day, we said our goodbyes in the morning, and then spent the afternoon in Burlington before our flight departed. Burlington is an adorable little town (ahem, "big city"), but the thing I love most about it is Champ. For those of you not in "the know", Champ is the mythical Lake Monster that lives in Lake Champlain. I have been obsessed with Champ since our last trip up to Vermont in December 2006, and my favorite Champ Fact is that he is protected by both Vermont and New York State law, should he ever be proved to exist.
Alas, we did not see Champ because it was too hazy. Maybe we'll see Nessie next month when we're in Scotland.
The entire photo set is on Flickr, and there are a fewmore videos on Vimeo. If you watch the videos, just know that I really, really like loons. Just because they're called loons.
Intuitively, it seems that a vacation should always seem shorter than it actually was - the weekends always fly by, so why do I feel like I've been gone for more like six months than a measly ten days?
I have a million pictures to upload from our week in Vermont and about a hundred thousand from the scary and awesome bachelorette weekend at the Jersey shore.
I missed you internet, but not as much as my 185 unread work emails missed me, it seems. Fill me in - what did I miss?
Oh, internet. I have so many things I want to write about. I finally finished The Omnivore's Dilemma, seven months after I started it! And... well, I swear there were a lot of other things too, but I've plumb forgotten because all I can think about right now is OMGOMGWEHAVEN'TPACKED and on top of that I have a HUGE last-minute work deadline, sooo...
Here's a video of Max that didn't look half as dark when I watched it on the camera's screen, fucking computers. If you listen closely you can hear Henry yowling at the wall in the background.
I had my first wedding-related nightmare last night. (I say "first" because I'm sure there will be more... worrying, it's what I do. Even in my sleep.)
In the dream, we were apparently having our wedding in some sort of island destination. My family and friends all went out to this island about a week before the wedding and we were having a great time until I suddenly realized that the wedding was the next day and holy shit, I'd forgotten to do everything that I was supposed to do during that week.
First, I realized that I'd never ordered any wedding bands, and I sent Joel off to find something we could use for the ceremony in a one of the local shops. Then I started running around the island looking for florists and photographers when my mom reminded me that the dress was still way too long - I'd never had it hemmed. I ran and found a tailor who said she'd happily fix it that same day... for $1,000. The flower ladies were spouting on about some island rock (yes, rock) had made traditional bouquets impossible BUT they could do this weird thing with rope instead when my two friends came back with long faces on. The local butcher had no idea how to cut up the wild hog I'd brought for the wedding feast (I finished Omnivore's Dilemma, in case you couldn't tell), they said. We'd have to find a caterer instead. Joel came back, saying he couldn't find anything but a pair of gold hoop earrings for us to use for the ceremony, and at that moment I realize that I had never found an officiant.
This whole time someone (who shall remain nameless because I know she would never do this in real life) was laughing. Just as I was screaming "this isn't funny, STOP LAUGHING AND HELP ME!" I woke up and realized that I was mega-late for work.
See, I told you. Breaking Point! Officially reached!
In other news, I cannot find my car. I was going to drive to work this morning so I could go to the grocery store after work, but car = missing. Does anyone know where I parked my car? Black Jetta covered in pigeon poop? Anyone?
Lastly, I came home last night to find a note from UPS saying that they'd left a package my brother had shipped here with some last-minute stuff for his bike trip "BY FLOWERS -->". I looked in in the shrub that the United States Postal Service so enjoys abusing, but there was no box to be found. Someone stole it, which isn't all that surprising since UPS basically left a nice shiny box on the sidewalk on our heavily foot-trafficked street. I am officially adding "mailbox" to the list of requirements for our next house, right after "closets", "designated parking", and "more closets".
I have officially hit The Breaking Point. I knew this was coming, but it still sucks. A lot.
I feel like our house is falling apart at the seams. Somehow we have no food (again), even though we got up extra-early on Saturday and went to the Farmer's Market. There is cat litter everywhere and a layer of dust an inch thick on every surface. I put in a load of laundry last night, and when I went to put it in the dryer I discovered it was full. So that's where all my underwear has been.
Nothing major has happened, but we're leaving for our trip to Vermont on Saturday and I just feel like I don't have time to breathe. I have to get the house cleaned, get a haircut, decide how I want my hair cut, do the laundry, book my work trip to Chicago later this month, get ready for my BFF's bridal shower, and book a trip to Scotland. Yes, Scotland. As in, land of kilts and bagpipes and the Loch Ness Monster. And Ewan McGregor.
So, I'm a little bit stressed out. And I also feel like a hugely hypocritical asshole, because the reason I "haven't had time to breathe"? Is because I was at Penn State all weekend with my friends, drinking $1 Long Island Iced Teas and getting milkshakes at the Creamery and doing things like this:
Because I need something fun to focus on (and I'm still too busy feeling like I"m going to puke about Scotland, does anyone else get queasy when they click "book ticket"?), let me tell you what I am going to make for this week's Whip It Up challenge. My little brother (remember the one who drove cross country by himself?) is off on his latest adventure: biking across the country with two of his friends.
They left northern New Jersey on Monday morning, and if all goes to plan, they will arrive at my house in Baltimore sometime on Thursday. I will then provide them with showers, a place to sleep that has four walls and a roof, and cram them as full of vegetables and protein as I can before they get back on the road and return to eating pasta at a campsite every night.
Grilled Portobello Mushrooms (I was going to make grilled corn on the cob, with fresh corn from the Farmer's Market, but Joel very wisely pointed out that corn on the cob + riding a bike all day with very limited bathroom access = an uncomfortable situation)
Homemade Iced Tea
Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies
I think that should hold them over for four thousand miles or so, don't you? At the very least, it will keep me occupied with something other than having a nervous breakdown until we board our plane to Vermont on Saturday.
I've got two weekends in my six-weekends-out-of-town marathon down, and so far... so good! I was a hot, cranky, tired mess when I rolled into Baltimore around 6pm on Sunday evening, but since then I've done some vacuuming and some laundry and caught up with some emails, and I feel fairly recovered.
In terms of a quick weekend recap:
My threesidedishes for the fancy bridal shower came out wonderfully (if I do say so myself)
I FINALLY went to see Sex and the City (loved it... totally cried during the Brooklyn Bridge scene)
I had two servings of ice cream cake at the Fancy Shower to combat the brutal heat and GOD WAS IT GOOD. How come no one reminded me how good ice cream cake is?
I went to a swanky clubin NYC for the bachelorette party, where I did not pay for one thing. It is good to have friends with connections, it seems. Also, bottle service is the best thing ever. Especially when it is free.
The one real snag of the weekend occurred when we arrived at the apartment we'd graciously been given access to for the bachelorette party. As I walked in with my suitcase, dragging a cooler of leftover food and drinks from the shower, I saw a very large fish tank in the middle of the room. Please tell me there is a fish in that tank, I said to my bride-friend. Please, please tell me there is a special fish who doesn't need any water in that tank. A fish who looks a lot like a snake. Because that cannot be a snake in that tank. NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS GOING TO BE A FUCKING SNAKE.
In case I have not mentioned it lately, I HATE SNAKES. "Hate" isn't a strong enough word. I fear them, loathe them, wish they did not exist on this planet. And the snakes I fear most are those of the constricting variety. I do NOT DO nine-foot, 50-lb boa constrictors. Absolutely, positively, no way in hell. I don't love anyone enough to sleep in the same room as a boa constrictor, sorry but THOSE THINGS CAN KILL PEOPLE YOU KNOW.
And then the funniest thing happened! I had about nine drinks, and all of a sudden the snake didn't seem so scary anymore. I made a tentative peace with the snake, and I even tried to get the bride (who happens to be a professional snake handler) (seriously, that's not some kind of bachelorette party humor... she handles snakes and other reptiles for a living) to feed the poor snake a sandwich when I learned that he only eats once a month.
I slept not more than an arm's length away from him and he didn't strangle me in the middle of the night. I guess that's what you would call "progress". Or, "passing out". Whatever.
