Operation Pink Herring

My heart, it is broken (Updated)

Oh, hey!  We're back from Scotland.  We got back on Monday, actually.  Did I forget to tell you guys that?   I also forgot to take a shower yesterday, so please don't be offended.   It's the jetlag!  Jetlag is my blanket excuse for everything.  Jetlag left a huge pile of dirty dishes in my sink!  Jetlag forgot to put the wet laundry in the dryer!  Jetlag is seven days behind on my emails!  Get to work, jetlag!  Someone's got to earn a living around here!  Now go pack for that wedding I'm supposed to be in this weekend!  And then tell me some sweet, delicious lies about how there will be no traffic on the NJ Turnpike tonight!

(Jetlag also makes me abuse the exclamation point!)

So, jetlag and I are working on a write-up of our lovely trip to bonnie Scotland, but at the moment we're too sad to think about anything but the horrible news we received (via email from Sarah) this morning.

Stephenie Meyer is no longer going to publish Midnight Sun.  The short story (the longer story is on her website here) is that somehow, a draft of the first 264 pages was leaked and published on the internet.  It wasn't finished, and Stephenie feels that she can no longer write the rest of the book. 

I know how it feels when I accidentally hit "publish" instead of "save as draft" and Google Reader snatches up a post full of typos and errors before I can take it down, so I can only imagine how devastating it must be to have an unfinished, unedited novel distributed without your permission.  I feel terribly sorry for Stephenie Meyer, and I feel almost as sorry for myself and all the other shameless addicted fans out there.   I haven't felt this heartbroken since I found out that Man vs. Wild was being staged.   I at least felt like I could blame Bear Grylls, though.  I don't blame Stephenie one bit for deciding that she can't finish the book after this, although I do hope that she might change her mind after some time goes by.  After all, she does say  that it's "on hold indefinitely"... not that it's canceled outright.    I'll take what I can get. 

I haven't read the draft.  I'd like to say that I'm not going to read it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to resist the temptation.  Hopefully, the fact that the release date for the Twilight movie has been moved up by three weeks (from December 12 to November 21st) will help.  A little.      

In the meantime, I'm going to do all that I can to turn this dreadful state of affairs around.  I'm planning to relocate myself to Arizona to serve as Stephenie Meyer's personal cheer-er upper.  I'll bring her all the decaf coffee and Sprite she can drink and act out scenes from Twilight when she has writer's block.  I call dibs on playing Alice's parts.  Who wants to be Edward?

Edited to add: If it's any consolation at all, those of you who haven't yet read The Host at least have that to look forward to.  It's very different from Twilight, and by that I mean THERE IS NO EDWARD.  Let me be clear about that: Edward Cullen is not in The Host.  I heard from a reputable source that some people were disappointed and even angry that our favorite marbled-chested immortal never made an appearance in The Host, to which I can only say .... What?  I think the dust jacket makes crystal clear the fact that The Host is a book about bodysnatching aliens taking over the earth, not about conflicted vegetarian vampires falling in love with annoying human girls who totally don't deserve them.  So, yeah, there is no Edward.  But if you liked Twilight, I would highly recommend The Host.  It wasn't as magical for me (meaning I did not neglect every other aspect of my life in order to read during every waking moment, nor did I stay up all night fuming over particular plot developments that I felt taking the plot in the wrong direction), but since The Host is intended for adults, the writing is much better.  Don't worry, there is still a fair amount of gazing into perfect eyes and plenty of burning embraces.  However, the heroine is less annoying than Bella and the love triangle has a better resolution.  So, if you liked Twilight, read The Host.  If you didn't like Twilight, um, don't.  If you're like me and you've already read The Host because you thought you'd still have Midnight Sun to live for... well, you can come over to my house and we'll all cry together.

Jetlag dispatch

So, I sort of forgot how rough jetlag is.  It's 6:18am, according to the computer.  It's 11:18am according to the clock on the desk here.  It's six days ago according to my body.  And also, I'm tired.

Scotland is glorious.   It's so nice being in a foreign country where everyone speaks English, even though I can't understand a word most people are saying here.  It all just sounds so pretty.   There are more kilts being worn around on the street on an average Wednesday than I would have expected, which is awesome, obviously.

The hotel that was chosen for me (by my work) for these first three days is beyond ridiculous.  Our room overlooks a river with sheep-dotted hillside behind it.  Kiera Knightly and Steven Segal have apparently both slept in the bed we slept in last night, we're told.  I can't find the hairdryer, although the butler (yes, butler) assures me it's "in the drawer".  There are a lot of drawers.  I think the hairdryer might have its own apartment next door.

We landed in Edinburgh yesterday morning and spent the day staggering around Edinburgh Castle.  We took the train to Glasgow last night, and we'll be based here for the rest of the trip.  I uploaded our pictures so far to Flickr.  I'll be adding more pictures to that set as we go if you want to check back during the week.  But first I have to go take a nap.  For the rest of the day. 

Out of the office reply

So.... it's the eighteenth of August, my calendar tells me.  That means I am leaving for Scotland, um, tomorrow!  How about that?

I have not even opened the lovely Frommer's Scotland book I so studiously borrowed from the library three weeks ago.

I realized this morning that we probably should obtain a power adapter or converter thingiemabober, but I have no idea which kind.

I have not packed. 

I have not finished reading Twilight for the third time.

I think it might be cold in Scotland. 

I am not sure where my passport is. 

But most importantly: despite several diligent web searches, I have not been able to find Ewan McGregor's address. 

HALP. 

So, internet, I may not see you for awhile.   Don't rob our house, we have three vicious attack cats armed with a pink piggie and an arsenal of Aflac duck keychains.  

Be afraid.

Whip It Up: Week 1, or Week 6, depending on how you want to look at it

One thing that I hate to do is to commit myself something that I can't fulfill.  Most of the time, I'd rather follow through on something that I despise (see: three years of swim team) rather than man up and quit.

When I signed up for the Whip it Up challenge, I was truly enthusiastic.  However, all those out-of-town weekends resulted in me not cooking much at all, let alone trying out anything new after the first week.  And to make matters worse, I never got around to posting about that first recipe.  Or even downloading the pictures I took off my camera.

Fortunately, the kind and benevolent RA has granted me a pardon for this transgression, and so I proudly present to you my Whip It Up creation for Week 1  Week 6, which fits into exactly none of the suggested categories for any of the weeks!  Because when I decide to screw something up, I like to go all the way (hey, remember that post about the books I read in 2007 that I said I was going to write, once upon a time?  Me neither.  Exactly my point.)

So, may I present... Whip It Up:  Blade Steaks

Approximately one million years ago, my baby brother and two of his friends rode their bikes to our house.  From New Jersey.  On their way to the Pacific Ocean.   You see, I inherited nearly all the worrywart, plan-ahead genes in the family, leaving only a small portion over for Middle Brother.  Baby Brother, therefore, enjoys a carefree lifestyle and does things like spending the summer working at a gas station in Glacier National Park, driving cross country alone to work at a ski resort for six months, and riding his bike across the country. 

My job, as his older sister, is to worry needlessly on his behalf.  Do they have directions?  Is anyone in the group allergic to cats?  Anyone vegetarian?  Food allergies?   Yes, no, no and no.  I'm telling you, this kid gives me nothing to work with.

But never fear!  I found something to worry about.  It was actually kind of easy. I just found a recipe that was way too hard for me, printed it out and decided THAT'S what I'd make these hungry cyclists for dinner. 

First of all, I have no idea what a blade steak is.   So I just defrosted the three steaks that were in our freezer, assuming that steak is steak is steak. 

Next, I made a trip to Whole Foods to pick up the necessary ingredients.  I scored a few points by actually remembering to bring the recipe with me.  I lost those points when I realized that I didn't know what a shallot was.  Luckily, the Whole Foods employee stocking the veggie section was happy to point me in the right direction.

Back at home, I started chopping and sauteing away.

First, I seasoned and sauteed the steaks as instructed and then put them aside to rest.   If you look closely, you can see that I have two separate pans going here, because I decided to triple the recipe, since I was already in over my head.  

While the steaks were a-cookin', I chopped up my shallot and mushrooms.  Once the steaks were done, I washed the big pan and started sauteing the mushrooms.   Did I  mention that we only have two pans? 

I was a little worried about this, since I have never cooked mushrooms before, but it was very easy. 

So far, so good!

Now, this is where things got tricky for me.  The next steps in the recipe called for me to:

Add vinegar and soy sauce to skillet and simmer, stirring and scraping up any brown bits, 2 minutes. Add 1/2 cup broth and simmer 2 minutes.

While sauce simmers, stir cornstarch into remaining 2 teaspoons broth in a cup. Stir cornstarch mixture into sauce and simmer, stirring, 1 minute. Return steaks and mushrooms, along with any juices accumulated on platter, to skillet and simmer, turning steaks over in sauce, until just heated through, about 1 minute.

Although I'd swear that I followed the instructions perfectly, the soy sauce/vinegar/cornstarch concoction just did not look right.  At all.  I was afraid that I'd used up all my luck with the steaks and the mushrooms, both of which looked and smelled delicious, and I didn't want to ruin them with the extremely salty-smelling sauce.  So.. I trashed the sauce, poured the mushrooms over the steaks and moved on.

Because I like to overdo things, I had decided to accompany these steaks with corn on the cob, grilled portobella mushrooms, mashed red potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes and a salad.  And to make homemade cookies for dessert.   I also made homemade iced tea.  And lemonade.  I have problems.

I used a recipe that I can no longer find online, but it basically went like this:

Take four portobella mushrooms, put them in a plastic bag, throw in some olive oil and a little bit of sea salt.  Let it all marinate in the refrigerator for several hours [I left them overnight] [because I cannot follow directions], then grill.  You can't really overdo them [that's what the recipe said. I swear.]

The recipe turned out to be just as easy as it sounds, and they were right about it being impossible to overdo the mushrooms.  I sort of accidentally forgot about them while i was fretting over my soy sauce and corn starch disaster, and they still turned out perfectly.

The result was quite a success, if I do say so myself.

Was the recipe easy to follow?

Blade steaks:  Um, not really.  I think I may have been the problem, but that sauce was seriously funky-looking. 

Portobella Mushrooms: Yes.

Did it taste good?

Blade steaks:  Yes, without the strange sauce, they were great.

Portobella Mushrooms: Yes.

Would I make it again?

Blade steaks:  Yes, although I'd just omit the sauce altogether.

Portobella Mushrooms: Yes, if only Joel liked mushrooms.

Breaking Dawn, part deux (spoilers)

I am much more paranoid about spoilers for Breaking Dawn than I was for the other three books, since this one was just released recently and I know that several of you are not done with it. 

So I'm going to add a million lines of filler again....

to make sure that nothing shows up in your reader.....

that would give away anything in the book.

MMMMkay? 

Don't scroll down if you're not finished. 

Ten...

Nine...

Eight...

Seven....

Six...

Five...

Four....

Three....

Two....

ONE......

MAJOR SPOILERS. Do not read this if you haven't read Breaking Dawn!

Ok, let me just say that again.  DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU HAVEN'T READ BREAKING DAWN. 

Since adding a jump doesn't seem to work in Google Reader, I'm just going to add a whole lot of filler  here to give all of you who haven't read Breaking Dawn yet a chance to close this window without accidentally seeing anything abut the book.

Seriously.  Go away.  I would feel absolutely terrible if I ruined the book for anyone. 

So... everyone who's not read Breaking Dawn is gone, right?  

Good.  So I can talk about how crazy it is that Victoria actually didn't die, and she comes back and kills Bella and lives happily ever after with Edward!

JUST KIDDING.  She's really dead. 

As far as I know, anyway. 

OK: So I am officially on page 267 of Breaking Dawn, which is halfway through the Jacob section.  If you haven't read that far, don't read the rest.  Seriously.

Eclipse (spoilers)

I finished Eclipse last night, and I re-read the last 80 pages again this morning.  Suffice it to say, I loved it.  Of course.

Things I loved:

• Jacob. I'm still with Edward all the way, but I have to respect Jacob for trying. Dude, I love him. I just love Edward more. Sorry, kid.
• The werewolf-vampire alliance 
• Finding out more about Jasper and Rosalie. I am so impressed at the depth of all their stories, and how different they all are. I loved Rosalie's descriptions of herself as totally vain, and how she's unapologetic. I love everything about Jasper.
• Alice. Enough said. I love her.
• Edward, of course

Things I did not like:

• Bella's continued reluctance to marry Edward.  I meant to talk about this in the last entry about New Moon, but I forgot.  WTF, Bella?  I understand that she doesn't have the best outlook on marriage, especially very young marriage, after her mother's experience.  I get it.   But she's more than willing to become a vampire to be with Edward, and I'm pretty sure that her parents wouldn't approve of THAT.  So why does she care so much that they'll be upset about her getting married at 18?  They'll get over it, eventually.  She goes on and on about how Edward is her life (and I love that, really I do), but then why does she have to stomp all over him by refusing to just get married?  It makes me hate her, but I can't because Edward loves her so much.

My favorite scene by far was the night in the tent, when Jacob and Edward managed to talk without killing each other.   I love their dynamic, and I loved reading their conversation.  I laughed out loud when Edward was being driven crazy by Jacob's thoughts while he was warming Bella up.  God, I love them both.

It's a close call, but I think if I had to choose, I'd still put New Moon as my favorite at this point.  Eclipse had a better plot and much more action, since so much had already been established by the first two books, but New Moon just... shook me.   I hated that Edward wasn't in it, but I think the fact that it was still so good without him makes it my favorite.

What did you all think?  

I'm almost afraid to start Breaking Dawn today because I don't want the series to be over, but I know that I won't be able to help it.  

New Moon - part 2 (spoilers!)

OK, before I start in on the EdwardEdwardEdward, I feel like I should apologize to anyone out there who's either not into the Twilight series, sick of hearing about it, or some combination of the two.  I realize how annoying this might be, and I'm sorry.  Except not really.  Because I love it.

But if you're annoyed, just skip along.  I don't think I'll be able to talk about anything else until I'm done with the last book.  Even then, I make no promises.   Dudes, if you think this is bad, just imagine how Joel feels.

And now, on to The Edward (SPOILERS!!  BE YE FOREWARNED!)

Post #2 of what I assume will be many - New Moon

You guys have no idea how hard it was for me to resist staying up all night to finish New Moon.   My coworker and I made a pilgrimage to Barnes and Noble yesterday at lunch -- which required us borrowing Metro passes and coordinating lunch hours -- when I realized that with the $6 Amazon was charging plus $3.99 for shipping, it would be cheaper to just fork over $10.99 to Barnes and Noble.   Plus, let's be honest: I really could not wait 3-5 days for Amazon to ship this book to me.

(SPOILER ALERT!  SPOILER ALERT!  DON'T READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU HAVEN'T READ NEW MOON) 

Clearing things up

So, blah blah, out of town sooo many weekends blabbity blah, so behind on stuff at home, blah.   You don't care about that.  I don't care about that.

What I DO care about is the fact that I've had The Secret Life of the American Teenager up in my "In My Tivo" sidebar for weeks now, although I hadn't actually seen any of the episodes.  I set up a Season Pass the minute I heard that it was by the makers of Seventh Heaven and that Molly Ringwald was in it, but I didn't actually have time to watch the pilot until this weekend (blah, busy busy, blah).  I am extremely concerned that if any of you actually look at the sidebar, you might have been thinking all this time that I liked the show.  Let me clear that up right now:  Holy fucking disappointment, Batman.  It sure is by the makers of Seventh Heaven, THAT'S for sure.  They've even got the same soundtrack and everything.   But instead of Ashlee Simpson, we've got Molly Ringwald... which is just embarrassing for dear Molly and now half as fun as being able to watch Ashlee Simpson "act".   Instead of Haylie Duff, we have John Schneider, which... ditto.  Sad for John Schneider, not even half as entertaining as Haylie freaking Duff playing a knocked up teenager turned reverend/minister/whatever.   Joel came in when I was halfway through the pilot and he almost started crying when he realized our beloved Johnathan Kent from Smallville was on this show.   And that about sums it up.  I finished the pilot, it was terrible: preachier than Seventh Heaven (I didn't think it was possible either!) and not half as entertaining, plus some rookie casting director made the mistake of casting actors that look like identical twins as the Good Guy and the Bad Guy, and that confused the hell out of me.  In summary, shame on you, Molly and John, the show sucks completely and totally, I deleted the remaining four episodes in my cache without even watching them and I threw up in my mouth when I saw a preview for this week's episode alluding to the fact that Good Guy was apparently going to propose to Knocked Up Protagonist.  So, that's that.  I just needed to clear that up.

Secondly, I started reading Twilight, and I'm in a bit of a quandary.  You see, I somehow managed to completely miss out on the whole Harry Potter craze, and I'm still kicking myself for that, but what's done is done.  However, when I heard about this newfangled "Breaking Dawn" book coming out, fourth in some series that all the kids were raving about, I thought to myself hmmm... maybe I should see what that's all about.  I ordered the first book from the library, about six months later I finally got it, and HOLY HELL, NO ONE TOLD ME THESE BOOKS WERE ABOUT VAMPIRES.  I liked Buffy before liking Buffy was cool (what do you mean, liking Buffy was never cool?), I carried around The Historian for weeks so I could read it during every spare minute, and I am still pissed that they canceled Moonlight, because WTF TV producer dudes, can't you give a show a chance?  IT WAS GETTING BETTER.  I'm a sucker (HAHA) for all things vampire.  I don't know why... I just am.  So basically, this lady writes four books that are the Next Coming of Harry Potter and they're ALSO about vampires, and NO ONE TOLD ME.  Well, that's not true, Isabel told me, and I should have known she was right.  Because Isabel is always right.

So now for the dilemma: I have been staying up all night, talking to my coworkers about it all day, and BRINGING THE BOOK TO WORK so I can read it on my lunch break.  I started it on Sunday, and I'll probably be finished by Thursday, but the library still has New Moon backordered for weeks.  I'm on a tight budget (more blah blah) and I set an Absolutely No Buying Books That's What Libraries Are For rule, but if i don't get a copy of New Moon STAT, I think I might die.   Also, did you realize that the movie does not come out until December?!  What the hell am I supposed to do until then?

Also, I kind of hate these "team" terms, but Edward all the way, dudes.  ALLL the way, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Confessions of a biznass traveler

• I order boring Caesar salads from room service for lunch.
• Sometimes I order the exact same boring salad for dinner, too.
• I forgot my laptop charger on my trip to Chicago, which meant I couldn't read any work emails while I was away.  I was sort of happy.
• I still feel like a total fraud every time I put on my suit.
• I hate making small talk about all the "exciting changes" in my industry. 
• I wear my PJs until 30 seconds before I have to leave my hotel room.
• Sometimes I pack shampoo in containers larger than the 3oz TFA-approved on purpose just to see if I'll get caught.  I haven't been.  Yet.
• I miss my Tivo more than I should when I'm away.  I don't know how we all survived when we just had to watch whatever was on at the time. 
• I never tip the guy who opens the taxi door at the hotel, and I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to.
• At 27, I still get scared going to sleep alone.

Happy Friday, Internet!  This is my first weekend at home in six long weeks.  I'm looking forward to it a leetle bit too much, I think.