MAJOR SPOILERS. Do not read this if you haven't read Breaking Dawn!

Ok, let me just say that again.  DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU HAVEN'T READ BREAKING DAWN. 

Since adding a jump doesn't seem to work in Google Reader, I'm just going to add a whole lot of filler  here to give all of you who haven't read Breaking Dawn yet a chance to close this window without accidentally seeing anything abut the book.

Seriously.  Go away.  I would feel absolutely terrible if I ruined the book for anyone. 

So... everyone who's not read Breaking Dawn is gone, right?  

Good.  So I can talk about how crazy it is that Victoria actually didn't die, and she comes back and kills Bella and lives happily ever after with Edward!

JUST KIDDING.  She's really dead. 

As far as I know, anyway. 

OK: So I am officially on page 267 of Breaking Dawn, which is halfway through the Jacob section.  If you haven't read that far, don't read the rest.  Seriously.

Alright, now that we're all on the same page, can I just say something?

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

Dudes, when I read the first 100 pages of Breaking Dawn last night before bed I was so, so angry.  First of all, I hated the wedding scene.  It was so awkward, Bella was acting like a whiny brat who doesn't deserve Edward (or Alice, for that matter) the whole time and I really wish that we'd just skipped that whole scene altogether.  We could have started the book with a little memory about how great the wedding was, THE END, and I would have been much happier.

I was slightly appeased when we moved onto the honeymoon.... UNTIL YOU-KNOW-WHAT.  I liked that they managed to finally Do It without killing Bella (although at this point, I wouldn't mind too much if she died), I loved how Edward was so angry with himself for bruising her up... I thought we were on the right track.

And then came the morning sickness.  And the food cravings.   And the vivid baby dreams.  And then, Bella realizes, oh my goodness, my period is late, however did that happen?

Well, I'm no expert here, Bella, but let me tell you how that happens:  You talk about Doing It with your vampire boyfriend for months and months.  He is super strong and super fast and super good at everything, so my guess is that he also has some pretty good swimmers, if you know what I mean.  You're lucky you're not knocked up with sextuplets!

But really, I was not just mad at Bella at that point.  Edward has been worrying about this since he met Bella, right?  And he's a pretty smart dude.  So, maybe when he was considering all the possible horrible consequences of a vampire Doing It with a human, maybe he should have thought about how inconvenient her becoming knocked up with a half-vamp, half-human baby would be.  What if it ages?  Then Bella will have to stay human for it.  What if it doesn't age?  Then the Volturi will kill it.  What if it's human?  They'll have to either tell the baby that his dad is a vampire, thus breaking the One Rule of Vampirism, or Bella will have to leave Edward and tell the baby his father is dead, or something.  None of these are acceptable options, in my opinion.  (I think the only GOOD resolution would be to have Stephenie Meyer to recall all copies of Breaking Dawn so that she can write a new ending to the series.  Because, seriously.  She is RUINING EVERYTHING.) 

OK, even if we give Edward the benefit of the doubt, assuming that he was too caught up in worrying about his precious Bella to think about packing some condoms for the honeymoon, and if we also assume that Emmet and Jasper never really thought about it, since they're both married to fellow vamps.... what about Carlisle?  He's not only the father figure, the responsible, compassionate one... HE'S A DOCTOR.   I think I'm mostly disappointed in him for not thinking this through and prescribing Bella some birth control pills.

So, I was PISSED.  And then, oh man.  Then Edward hears something wrong with the Bella's heartbeat.  YOU CAN'T HEAR A BABY'S HEARTBEAT WHEN IT'S TWO WEEKS OLD.   Bella's having baby dreams and food cravings and morning sickness and then SHE FEELS THE BABY KICK.   BABIES DO NOT KICK WHEN THEY ARE TWO WEEKS OLD. 

You guys, I was so pissed that I couldn't sleep.  I was lying in bed, raging against everyone in the book, as well as Stephenie Meyer for taking such a great series and RUINING EVERYTHING.   Around 2am I got bored of lying in bed, stewing in my own rage, and I started reading again.

From there, it got a little bit better.   I am still pissed at Carlisle for not telling Edward, "Hey, son, you know what?  There's never been such a thing as a vampire baby before, but since there's also never been a couple like you and Bella before, maybe you should take this pack of condoms with you on the honeymoon.  Have fun and try not to kill her."  But now that we've had some explanation as to just WHY no one ever fathomed such a thing was possible and established that the baby is a super-hybrid spawn, I feel a little bit better.   I'm confused as to why no one thought to give her blood before Jacob thought of it... hello, human babies suck nutrients and energy from their mothers, so if there's a human carrying a half-vampire super-baby and the mother isn't doing all that well... does it not stand to reason that the baby is feeding on her blood?  No?  Am I the only one who sees that, AHEM DR. CARLISLE CULLEN?  I also don't get why it's necessary to have her drink the blood, it seems like a steady stream of transfusions would do, but what do I know?  

So, I am done being completely angry, but I am still kind of shaking my head.  I have hopes that maybe, just maybe, the book will continue to redeem itself and it won't ruin the entire series for me.

With that positive attitude in mind, let's talk about the few things I did like so far, such as:

• Hearing directly from Jacob. I love him even more now. (Edward is still first for me, but he's losing ground fast)
• The formation of the second werewolf pack. I wondered how the foreshadowing about Jacob being the true Alpha would come back around.
• Seth and Leah Clearwater. I love Seth for just being such a kid, and I love Leah for not just taking her lot in (werewolf) life lying down. She has plenty of reasons to be bitter and I'm glad she's a bitch to the rest of the pack most of the time.  You go, girl.

And here are some of my predictions and hopes for the rest of the book:

• I think that Jacob is going to end up imprinting on Leah. They've talked enough about this whole imprinting phenomenon enough that I just know it's going to happen to Jacob at some point, and I really hope it's with Leah. She deserves a good guy like him, and he deserves someone that will love him back.
• I am definitely expecting some involvement of the Volturi once they get wind of the baby. Maybe that will be the big battle of this book.
• I have a feeling that this whole baby thing is going to throw a wrench into the plans for Bella to become a vampire and that really, really pisses me off. If she doesn't go through with this... grrr. I'm going to be VERY disappointed. She's already started waffling and wondering what difference a few more years would make after all, so I think there's a good chance that she'll never do it.  Stupid, stupid girl.

So, that's where I am at this point.  Did you guys feel the same way when you started Breaking Dawn?  I can't wait to discuss.   But please, please, please, make sure you don't mention anything that happens later in the book in the comments!

Comments

[Isabel]

I don't want to say anything to ruin anything for you.

Just keep reading...

[Janssen]

I can't wait to hear what you think when it's all over.

[Kari]

I was totally pissed at that point in the book as well and thought she had totally ruined it. In the interest of not ruining it, keep reading. It gets better. I'm interested to hear your thoughts when you're all done.

[nancypearlwannabe]

Duh, they are MORMON vampires! God wants them to procreate!

Also: was I the only one grossed out that once Bella gets knocked up she eats like dozens of eggs? Why does that seem so disgusting to me?

[Rozanne]

AHAHAHAHAHA *wipes away tear*
Finish the book, then post about it. Things are going to get very interesting before the end of the Jacob bit, and trust Stephenie to write the right thing, even though it might make some people mad in the beginning.

In my opinion it is the best of the whole series.

Also re: Bella and Edward not taking condoms along, from what I understand of the book and the implied lore that Bella knew, it seemed that vampired and humans were biologically incompatible so the risk of pregnancy was rather low. But it does seem against Bella's nature as the 'adult'/child to not be on the pill or something.

[heidikins]

I will be very interested to see your final review. I haven't read these (as you know) but I have read all the spoilers. Bad heidi, bad bad bad.

xox

[kirsten aerts]

I'm not reading any posts- b/c even though i've never even heard of these books and I read ABOUT a book a year- i still operate under the idea that i MIGHT actually read one of these books and I definatly don't want to know anything thant happens! so now i'm just stuck being teased that there are posts to be read- but not by me- b/c you know..there is a CHANCE that one of these books might be the lucky winner of 2008! I know- its pathetic how little i read. But considereing i'm about to get on about 15 cross-atlantic flights in the next 4-5 months, i should have some time to read :)

[Wickedly Scarlett]

Well... I really, really didn't like Breaking Dawn. I don't want to spoil anything for you in case you haven't finished it, but I'm working on my review and will probably have it posted tomorrow. There's just too much to say in the comments here--right now all of my thoughts take up four pages single spaced, lol!

[Erin]

I finally got around to reading it this weekend, so now I can read your posts!

The first half of Breaking Dawn pissed me off like crazy!!! Thank goodness I had my Jacob to help me through it.

[Audrey]

I really struggled with the first half of the book, too. I was annoyed with the pregnancy -- it seemed so, I don't know, predictable. And annoying. But it did get better, thank goodness.

Also, I was frustrated when I got to Jacob's part. I don't like Jacob that much, and I really didn't care to read a couple hundred pages from his point of view. Luckily, though, it was better than I expected it to be, and I ended up liking him much better by the end of it. Okay, Jacob, well done. I still love Edward more, though.

I thought the same thing about Jacob and Leah. I have to say that particular part of the ending completely surprised me. In a good way.

[Audrey]

Oh, and also, was I the only one who thought all the implied sex was a little awkward for a teen book? Don't get me wrong, as an adult who has a major crush on Edward, I was totally okay with it, but I also had to wonder what I would think if I knew a teenage daughter of mine was reading it.