At this rate I'll never get around to Jersey Shore

2. Project Runway.

Otherwise known as another TV discussion post that was supposed to be a paragraph long, but instead is a full recap because I tried to write my paragraph while watching the show and I'm not deleting this now because it took me three hours to write. Even though the show is only an hour long. 

Hey, so Project Runway is back!  Even though the last season just ended like two weeks ago.

Anyway, new designers, pregnant Heidi, same Tim Gunn (thank god).  We're back in New York.  Double thank god.

I'll confess that I always hate the first episode of the season.  It's hard work trying to learn new names and figure out who I love and who I hate all over again.  There are just too many people at the beginning.

This guy is an actor, and by "actor", he means he walks around Disney World dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow.

This girl says she is Iranian and that makes her different.  Yay!  We've never had an overly made up Iranian girl who thinks she's better than everyone on the show before.

This lady's name is Ping and she has a panic attack, complete with frantic shrieking, over the two-minute editing time limit in Central Park.  Apparently she has a problem with deadlines and unwrapping fabrics, which bodes well for all the future visits to Mood.

Christiane says that her first thought is "go for the color" and I am guessing that maybe Nina Garcia, hater of the all-black collection, might have given this girl's application the stamp of approval.

During Tim's check-in, Tim tells Jesus that he finds his dress "disturbing", and Jesus replies that it doesn't bother him at all and he's not changing it.  Good call, kid! What does Tim Gunn know, anyway?

A dude whose no-shit name is Seth Aaron Henderson wears a ripped up tuxedo with a movie usher's red jacket for runway day.  And a bandana around his head during the confessionals.  Just in case the three names weren't getting the point across: he's totally rock and roll. 

And ooooh what have we here? The formerly-Bluefly-now-Macy's Accessory Wall is now the formerly-Bluefly-then-Macy's-now-Bluefly-again Accessory Wall! Do I sense some dramaz? 

RUNWAY DAY!  We learn that the winner of Project Runway will receive blah blah blah we all know this right now.  The only thing I'm more sick of hearing is, "as you know in fashion, one day you're in and they next day you're booted to Lifetime out.

Everyone's designs come down the runway, and everyone thinks their garments are truly amazing.  They all nailed it. Every one of them has showed how much skill they have as a designer.  They would not make a single change. Oh, you kids are so cute.

Despite Anthony's attempt to woo Michael Kors by wearing pants the same color as his skin, Michael says that this model looks like she could go to a garden party and steal champagne bottles with that appendage on her hip. 

Seth Aaron Henderson calls his look "Little Tokyo" and before I can even finish laughing, guest judge Nicole Richie tells him he made everything work, Heidi says it's fun and shows a point of view and Nina "appreciates the back".  Michael thinks it's totally commercial and lots of women would love to own it.  No one says anything about his outfit.

Ping also gets high marks from everyone. Despite her breakdown during the fabric selection, everyone loves her look.  Also, she is not dressed like a crazed magician. 

Jesus's specialty is "evening gown" (how original!) but Heidi isn't sure how fashionable it is and Michael thinks his model looks like a crocodile trunk exploded on an evening gown. Oh, noes!  They don't like it!  Who ever could have guessed OH WAIT TIM DID.

Nina gives Christiane mixed reviews, as does Michael.  Good try, but too much going on.  I have the same complaint about her name, which is very hard to type.

Emilio's dress is deceptively simple, which is code for "you're staying".  I don't necessarily NOT like it, but I'm not quite sure which of the three different sewn-together patterns is the simple one.

The judges have their little chat and dear god, it looks like Seth Aaron Henderson is going to win.  I find myself rooting wholeheartedly for poor panicking Ping, whose look "transported" Michael when the model walked on the stage.  GO PING GO!  I am not ready for an entire season of Sir Seth Aaron Henderson, punk rock movie usher.

DUN DUN DUN.

Ping is safe. Which means she is not the winner. Goddammit.  Seth Aaron is going to win.

BUT WAIT NO, EMILIO IS THE WINNER!  Hooray!  Take that and shove it in your popcorn machine, Seth Aaron, who is also in.  Of course.

Anthony is in and tries to give an acceptance speech.  Heidi tells him to get his himself and his red pants off the runway before she changes her mind to Auf Wiedersehen. 

Heidi totally jerks Jesus around, making it sound like she's going to give him the double-cheek kiss of death before saying "someone has to go... but it's not you".  Heidi!  You're cruel!

Christiane is out, and she says being eliminated means nothing at all.  Riiight.  But I'm actually sorry to see her go, she was non-offensive and not that annoying, except for the fact that her name gave my spellchecker a seizure.

This paragraph-turned-recap would simply not be complete without mention of the most exciting thing to happen during this premier: the commercial for Pregnancy Pact.  PREGNANCY PACT!  Based on a true story!  WORLD PREMIERE!  And perhaps especially fitting, since two of the four judges were pregnant this week. Nina, do you have something to tell us?

Comments

[RA]

First off: I FREAKING HATE ANTHONY. I could not stand listening to a word out of his mouth. He made my ears curl, I swear.

Okay. So, that's off my chest.

I could not understand the appeal of Ping, who could not have come off any dippier. Like, did she even SEW her garment?

I did like Emilio's dress, even though it was a hot mess until about 5 minutes before runway time. I'm looking forward to Anna-I'm-an-artist, Janeane-the-Crier, and The Actor all getting chewed to pieces by Nina. As of now, I don't like anyone, but I sure as heck dislike a bunch of them.

[nancypearlwannabe]

Okay, how did Nina Garcia not RIP into Ping's crazy time outfit?

Also, I would have voted Jesus off immediately for that chocolate monstrosity. Christiane's dress was not great, but not anywhere near as bad as that one!

I did love the dress that won though. I won't lie, I kind of want to own it.

[Mrs. D]

Ugh - Jesus's mini-turned-mermaid. I loved it when Nina (?) said it looked like a giant chocolate bar.

And I'm not getting Ping's appeal. Maybe it's one of those "potential" things that actual designers can sense, and will become more understandable in later episodes.

[elise]

I missed the premier but will watch from here on out, especially if I have recaps like this to look forward to :)

I did NOT miss, however, the commercials for Pregnancy Pact...and holy mother, that is gonna be one to watch. Ha. Is it even recappable? I wouldn't mind seeing an attempt...;)