I'm about to start unfriending people at an alarming rate

You guys, I am not a grammar nazi.  I incorrectly used the word "whom" in an email this week (after looking up the who/whom rules on the internet and incorrectly interpreting them).  I have serious trouble spelling ie/ei words.  I make my fair share of typos and I am often too lazy to employ spellcheck.  I embrace lolcats.

However, the widespread abuse of apostrophes is getting out of hand.  In the past few weeks, I have witnessed all of the following ACTUAL examples, almost exclusively on Facebook.

Mary love's Project Runway!

I'm glad you guy's made it home safe!

Love the new pic's.

Here come's the angry emails!

Mom's are the best!

PEOPLE. An apostrophe is not a decoration you throw on words to make them look fancier.  It means something.  Specifically, it means: (1) that a word has had letters omitted for brevity's sake (for example, "International" becomes "Int'l", or "do not" becomes "don't"), OR (2) it indicates possession (example: that dude's shirt is ugly).

CORRECT: My cat's an idiot; he chases his own tail. ("cat's" means "cat is" in this instance)

CORRECT: My cat's tail is being chased. (the tail in question belongs to my cat)

INCORRECT: All cat's have tails. (no apostrophe necessary)

This is really not that hard, but if you're in doubt: just leave the apostrophe out.  Please, please, PLEASE stop throwing apostrophes in front of every "s" you see.  They're punctuation, not confetti.

To be fair, it's not just Facebook:

It's a little hard to see in the screenshot, but that right there says "wedding's dresses." Wedding's dresses?  I'm not sure if this is an outright apostrophe error or just a confusingly worded page title.  I guess dresses could, theoretically, be thought of as belonging to the wedding itself. Maybe. At best, it's poor wording.  I was sorely tempted to click the box and chat with a Jcrew representative to discuss the matter, but then I got distracted by the friend of a friend on Facebook who is a fan of "Bomb Fires," along with 1,500 other people who are all unaware that the term is BONFIRES. 

Comments

[Megan (Best of Fates)]

For a moment I was super interested in whatever your friends were doing with their spare time. I mean, don't get me wrong, bonfires are awesome.

But bomb fires?

Now that's something to write home about.

[Megan]

OMG A THOUSAND TIMES YES. (Sorry about the all-caps, that is just how fervently I agree with the focus on appropriate punctuation.) It has gotten so bad that I have taken to passive-aggressively posting links to cartoons by The Oatmeal on my Wall, just to let people know I am not to be trifled with. For instance, this gem, which I have purchased and now hangs proudly in my cube at work: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe

[Operation Pink Herring]

Megan #1: I looked through the Bomb Fires posts to see if it was some crazy thing I'd never heard of. Alas, all the posts were about roasting marshmallows and sitting out by the camp bomb fire.

Megan #2: LOVE that comic.

[beth]

The people that mess up they're/their/there are most annoying to me. They lose any respect that I had for them.

[Aly @ Breathe Gently]

I am glad that I'm not the only one who messes up the ie/ei. I have to write/type them out before it makes sense sometimes. Seriously, it's lame. AND I'M A TEACHER.

Most grammar I do well, very well. I have a bad habit of picking up errors on menu cards at restaurants. Eep.

[RA]

Of course I am fist-bumping you for this.

(bump)

Apostrophe abuse is a real problem in this country! An epidemic, if you will. When will people realize the plight of the apostrophe? It's not right that this small but critical piece of punctuation is forced into positions it should not occupy. It's a travesty, I say, a TRAVESTY.

What say we form Bloggers Against Apostrophe Abuse? BAAA? :)

[HollowSquirrel]

AHHHHHH you crack me up. Thanks for the laugh and grammar lesson. Never hurt's to have a refresher course. Yes, I did that on purpose. I had to.

[Operation Pink Herring]

RA: How about PETA, People for the Ethical Treamtment of Apostrophes? Wait, is that taken?

[Anna]

This drives me up a wall, too! My least favorite facebook days are Mother's Day and Father's Day when everyone is leaving messages to all the mom's and dad's they know! SO ANNOYING!

[Frema]

I LOVE THIS POST. Improper apostrophe use makes me want to cry for humanity.

Also, perhaps J.Crew considers "Wedding" to be a department, and it would be possessive because the department "owns" the dresses? That is the only possible defense I could see. But even then, it's still clunky.

[heidikins]

Daaah! Sorry. Massively public incorrect grammar usage gives me the Mean Reds. ;)

xox

[Karen]

Thank you thank you thank you. I am not a native speaker of English but I cringe every time the apostrophe is being abused or people mix up you're/your and they're/their/there etc.
Another favorite is Germans who use an accent instead of an apostrophe, like: I´m Karen. So many people do this. Even though the apostrophe is right there on the keyboard (the accent is too but seriously, what do people think the apostrophe is if they think the accent is the apostrophe).
We don't originally have apostrophes in German but they've made their way into the language from English. As have the mistakes (mostly the overuse/inappropriate use of apostrophes).

[Cath]

I'm wondering if you'd mind my having a T-shirt made for a friend using your 'Apostrophes- They're punctuation, not confetti' line?

[Kirsten]

I cringe every time I see improper punctuation, apostrophe use, or spelling. I would carry a giant red pen and correct everything I come across if I could, but that's not practical. Instead, I'll refer people to this post in addition to all the wonderful posters on The Oatmeal.

[Laura]

It would be lovely if Facebook allowed for edits of status updates...I am pretty sure many of these ' abuses would be rectified if we could just edit. Same with the there, their and they're and your and you're mistakes.

It doesn't really bother me too much on Facebook/Twitter BECAUSE it is such an informal method of communication, but I see it so often in professional settings, where the document should not only be proofed and reviewed, but then done again.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

This post made me fall a little bit in love with you. The line, "They're punctuation, not confetti." is pure genius.

I am appalled - APPALLED - by Americans' lack of apostrophic (yes, that's a word) (well, now it is) understanding. (And when I see a Facebook friend who is a NEWSPAPER EDITOR misuse the apostrophe, well, it's all I can do to keep from throwing my computer through a window.)

Apostrophe abuse maddens me more than even the misuse of "me" and "I."