A lesson on dog walking from a non-dog owner

So, you've got a dog! Good for you. I like dogs. Dogs are great. Here are some quick instructions on how to care for your dog in the city.

1. Feed your dog. Dogs like food. 

2. Walk your dog. Dogs eat food, and then they need to poop.

2(a). Pick up your dog's poop.  I know, it's poop, it's gross. But if picking up poop is too gross for you, you should not have gotten a dog. Too late now! PICK IT UP. Use a bag.

2(b). Tie the bag up. This keeps the poop from getting out. If you need a diagram on how bags work, one can be provided for a small fee. 

2(c). Take the bag home with you and throw it in the trash. What's that? You don't want to carry the bag all the way home because it's full of poop and it's gross?  Again, too late. You should have thought of that before you got a dog.

2(d). Here's an idea!  If it's trash day, why don't you just deposit your bag full of your dog's shit in the first trash can you see on the sidewalk?  I mean, it's YOUR dog and YOUR dog's shit, but I'm sure that the owner of the trash can won't mind storing it for a week!

2(e). That was sarcasm.  If you don't want to carry your dog's shit home with you and store it until the next available trash pickup, imagine how much the owner of the trash can does not want to have that same shit rot in their trash can for a week. 

2(f). Yes, dumbass, that's what it means when all those empty garbage cans are lined up on the street: the trash collectors have already come by. The next pickup is in seven (7) days.

2(g). The owner of that trash can especially does not want to store your dog's shit for a week if you've neglected to follow instruction 2(b) regarding bag closure.

3. If you find yourself unable to follow the instructions above, watch your step. An angry neighbor might just leave a litterbox full of cat piss on your stoop.

Comments

[Aly]

It always amazes me how people can be so casual about dog poop.. yet cat owners would NEVER just 'accidentally' leave a great steaming pile of used litter in anyone else's garbage?

Gross.
Seriously gross.

And also, I love the word 'trash can'. That is all.

[Lisa]

Just yesterday I had an angry conversation in my head with this old wench who let her stupid yappy dog take a giant steaming dump right off the trail I walk my kids to school on. I did not say it out loud, because that requires confrontation. But I thought it in all caps, because dude, that is effing gross and what if my 1 yr old walks in your dog's shit???? RUDE.

On a funnier and slightly unrelated note, I was out for a walk with my MIL, and we were stopped by a woman in a cadillac who asked us to call the mayor's office, because there were too many people on our walking route allowing their dogs to poop and then throwing the dog poop in the sewer.
Ok---the dog owners are picking up the poop? AND THEN throwing the non-baggied poop into the sewer?? I am not following the logistics here.

My MIL, sensing a kindred soul, agreed to call the mayor's office, because as she said, "I like to complain." I had to step away because I could not keep a straight face.

[Karen]

Honestly, this is the one thing that makes me unsure about getting a dog. Do I really want to deal with the poop? Cats are so much neater in that regard.

[Lisa B]

A neighbor lady thanked me when she saw me picking up poop, like she was suprised. I told her that my dog lays three big poops a day, and if I don't pick them up, then I'll be the one stepping in it the next day. and the next day.

Sometimes it's weird waving to neighbors with a hand that's holding a translucent poop-filled bag.

[Janssen]

Ugh, there needs to be a hotline to report people like this.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

Gross. This is why we don't have a dog - because I can't deal with the poop. No dogs for us until we live in a house with a yard.

I also just don't get people who just do stuff like that. I mean, I am a big Rule Follower... But is it really that easy to flout the rules?

It is, apparently, for the guy who lives across the street from me. I have a perfect view of him watching his dog crap on the grass and then walking back into his building without doing anything. And this is right in front of the helpful dog doo center (complete with bags and trash can) that's RIGHT THERE. Makes me furious.

[Lisa B]

For some reason, I have no problem picking up hot, fresh poop, but I am really grossed out by picking up old, cold poop. So for me, walking the dog and picking up the hot poop is way better than letting the dog in the yard and later picking up cold poop.

My husbad grew up with a male dog, so when we first got our female dog, he always thought she was pooping when she was really just peeing (same crouch). So...just wanted to mention that you might not be able to tell from a distance if a dog is pooping or just peeing. Until you see the poo!